Not Quite Drunken Silly
by Buwaro
Summary: A series of silly scenes using the ANI Pokemon cast. Not at all canonical with the main stories, for which Mewtwo can be grateful, because he gets abused, a lot. He was even turned into a rat. Just because I can.
1. Fervo and Boredom

Now, I'm sure a lot of people are wondering why ToF hasn't updated yet. And, I'm sure most of you have just figured out that this is the reason. This is just a combination of weird and amusing scenes that I just can't do in the normal ToF, and have to get out of my head before I go insane.

Okay, the reason this thing started was because I got bored and Aeris had given me some rather strange plot bunnys. So, wordpad was opened and the first part of this little ditty was born. So, that was her fault. Or, at least, the 'romance' part of it is her fault.

The second part was just the result of me wondering what would happen if Blacky and Spiral were a little older and our favorite Umbreon was still too niave for his own good.

Then, scene three. That was me wondering how to next bastardize Mewtwo, which came out with a rather amusing potential. Then; Cherry, my beta reader, suggested changes to the initial costume and changed it from classy, posh Mewtwo to... well, see for yourself.

The title itself is a little injoke between me, Aeris and Rizu. Especially seeing as this isn't the first time Aeris has brainwashed me into writing weird stuff like scene one. The first time, well, that went under the name Drunken Silly, as it involved a lot of alchohol and our favorite pyromaniac fire lizard and pink legendary. Although that did redeem itself by becoming a venue for beating the crap out of Celebi, a scene of which will probably be redone for either this or the story itself.

Anyway, obviously, this is not canonical with the main network stories at all, so certain characters will act a little differently for the cause of humour. Anyhoo, enjoy, and I should have the update done by tomorrow night, providing I don't get too many silly ideas and end up writing another one of these. If, Mewforbid, you ever do decide to review this, can you do me a big, big favour and review of the three scenes? Or at least mention all three, it really bugs me when scenes that I would like opinions on just get forgotten. I understand not reviewing the first one, it's not going to be to a fair few people's taste, but the other two I do really want opinions on.

**Not-Quite-Drunken Silly - Part One: Fervo and Boredom**

Fervo was bored. So bored, in fact, that he had locked himself in the supply closet in the vain hope that someone would care enough to break down the door, drag him out and berate him for being a dumbass. In the end, it took three hours before he got so bored, and tired of the small space, that he set the brooms on fire. Grovyle hadn't been too happy about that. And so he was stuck in the gym-come-basement, seeing as he was forbidden from going anywhere he could do damage. Hell, he was so bored that he'd even tidied the place up a little.

"Bored, bored, bored, bored. There is nothing to do in this damn mansion. What I'd give for a little excitement..."

Famous last words, actually having been said by an ex-Elite Four member, shortly before a Tyranitar went on a rampage and ate him. Fervo pondered that thought, actually counting his teeth in curiosity. Problem was, he could only count to three. So that respite from boredom was just as brief as the warning he got before a heavy, thick, hardback book came flying out of no where and sent him crashing to the floor.

"Jack, you are dead!"

"I'm not-" Fervo was about to yell that he wasn't Jack, when he froze, realising that a fight would be the perfect relief for the few minutes it would take for Kirlia to rip him in two. But, he was so damn bored that his brain wouldn't let him refuse the opportunity. Instead he faked his cousin's apathetic smirk. "What is it now, Girlia?"

The psychic's eyes flashed red for half a second, before Fervo found himself thrown backward by telekinesis. He hit one of the wooden benches, going straight through it and bouncing as he hit the floor before finally rolling to a halt.

"Stop calling me Girlia!" The psychic type whined, his voice sounding rather girly as he did so.

"Sorry." Fervo spat out a dislodged tooth, pushing himself back to a standing position. "How 'bout Pretty Boy? That seems to fit."

Kirlia let out a yell as he threw his arms forward, throwing out a Psybeam. Fervo didn't dodge, instead charging a Shadow Ball and throwing it right into the path of the oncoming attack. The ghostly orb ripped through the psychic energy, out the other side and sent Kirlia crashing to the floor. The Shadow Ball had been aimed well, impacting with the psychic's forehead. He wasn't going anywhere soon.

"You're- you're not Jack," Kirlia spat, trying to push himself up and failing dismally.

"Yeah, I'm a whole different Pokegame," Fervo laughed, walking over to his fallen opponent and kneeling down in front of him. "You know, I oughta thank you, really. I was a little bored."

"Bastard," Kirlia spat.

"Someone's got a tongue on them." The Treecko rolled his eyes, before stopping and giving an eerie and – to Kirlia – evil smirk, "I bet I can find better ways to keep it occupied."

Squirt, who'd been looking for Fervo for the past half hour, was reaching the bottom of the stairs and was unable to do anything but gawk. There was the Treecko, leaning over and shutting the psychic type up with a rather active looking kiss. The psychic was so stunned by the sudden turn of events that he wasn't able to resist in time, letting the Treecko have a free shot at deepening the kiss. Squirt finally got his legs to move, turned around, and got the hell out of there was fast as he could.

"So Fervo was making out with Kirlia?" Dione glanced across at Jack, the moment Squirt had burst into the dining room, practically screaming it in his shock. "You owe me five bucks, Treecko. Told you that if we got Fervo bored enough, he'd end up snogging someone. No, wait, you owe me ten. We bet weeks ago that Kirlia was gay."

"Hang on, I'm sure Girlia was resisting. So, as much as it pains me to say it, that makes him straight," Jack insisted.

"No, he's not resisting." Scarlet came up the stairs from the basement, having ran down there the moment she'd heard the news. She had a rather eerie smile and had her arms held behind her. "He seems rather enthusiastic. He's actually on top of Fervo now."

"That makes it fifteen." Dione smirked.

"I am never gambling with a bloody Absol again."

Scarlet, who was still giggling madly, and had pulled a digital camera out from behind her, suddenly stopped, just as the familiar grey wolf pup walked in.

"Hey, have you seen Vulpix-chan anywhere?" he asked, everyone shrugging their shoulders. Well, everyone bar the Charmander, who had an angelic little smirk on her face.

"I saw her going into the basement!" she piped up, everyone bar Poochie turning to stare at her in shock and disbelief. Well, everyone else apart from Jack; he just didn't care.

The poor dark type believed her, heading down the stairs before Squirt could warn him that it was a trap. The Wartortle went to run after him but found himself stopped dead as Scarlet grabbed ahold of his ear and hauled him away. There were several seconds silence, awkward choking silence, before the dark type came shooting back up the stairs and dived under the table, whimpering.

"Scarlet, you are a cruel, evil person," Dione muttered, getting up and stretching. He did that often. Claimed that keeping limber was needed when you did his job.

"And loving every minute of it." Scarlet smirked in reply, staring down at the screen on the back of her camera. "Ooh, guess who got herself a new wallpaper for the computer?"

"Well, that's one way to get rid of my internet addiction..." Squirt muttered to himself.

It was ten minutes before the Wartortle had managed to coax the severely traumatised dark type out from under the table. And, just as they managed to get him out in the open, Fervo and Kirlia appeared at the top of the stairs, the sight sending Poochie darting straight back under the table cloth. They were both covered in brown dust, the kind that was used by sparrers to get better grip during grappling sessions.

"Oh, thank Mew, a seat!" Fervo wandered over, wincing slightly with each step, before plunking himself down and letting out a sigh of relief.

"What's up with you?" Jack asked his cousin, almost sounding as though he actually cared.

"Kirlia."

"Twenty," Dione pointed out, Jack cursing under his breath.

"What? I can't believe I missed that!" Scarlet exclaimed, while Squirt just looked ill and Kirlia himself was a nice shade of bright red.

"Missed what? He threw me through a bench when we were fighting, a wooden bench. I landed on a splinter." Fervo then glared over at the psychic. "Still, did you really have to yank it out so hard? I can barely walk!"

"I could put it back in if you want!" Kirlia snapped back, looking about ready to start another fight.

Squirt crawled under the table, grabbed Poochie and made his escape outside, just in time to avoid witnessing Kirlia attacking both of the cousins with cutlery while Scarlet cheered him on.

"There is something severely wrong with that Charmander..." The Wartortle murmured as Poochie ran to hide in a hedge. He'd been scared out of his wits, being so unused to Fervo's knack of hitting on just about everything with a definite gender. And even a few things that didn't, as a slightly intoxicated Mew found out to his cost a few weeks before. That hadn't ended well. Squirt shook his head, attempting to clear it of disturbing thoughts. It didn't work, but he spotted something that did. His own partner in all the craziness that life seemed to throw at him, tending the flowerbeds like she so often would.

"Kirlia!" And, as an added bonus, she wasn't a psychopath like many of the other females (and a fair few of the males too).

* * *

"Sister!" The dark type crowed as he approached the Espeon as she drank some water. "What's mating?"

"Wha?" She jerked up in severe shock, banging her head in the process and falling face first into the liquid before her.

"You know stuff, you're smarter than I am." Blacky fidgeted even as Spiral hauled herself free of the water, coughing and spluttering in her confusion. "So I thought I'd ask you."

"Why the hell do you want to know that? We might be adults now but still..."

"I heard Kirlia talking about it and wanted to know what it was."

Spiral stared before slowly voicing her question. "Which Kirlia?" There were two after all, and both went by the name Kirlia... one really had to get a nickname before people got really confused.

"Uh, the girly one."

"_I am not girly!_" Everyone winced at the telepathic yell.

"I think he meant the one that is a girl, dumbass!" Spiral fired back at the pissy psychic. "So stop with the tantrums and get a fucking grip!"

Spiral turned back to her brother, who was just sitting there, waiting. She coughed, trying to figure out exactly how to say it. After all, avoiding the question was pointless; Blacky could be surprisingly persistent when it came to awkward questions. Persistent to the point that, on one occasion, Mewtwo nearly leveled a building on him just to get him to shut up. That hadn't ended well; Blacky's psychotic side was more than agile enough to escape unscathed, and proved a match for Mewtwo's brute force. The only reason the two hadn't killed each other was Flame and Mew's timely interference, with Scyther and Dione backing them up.

"Mating is an act between two Pokemon, usually of different genders, although there are some same-sex relationships." She could have sworn that the Kirlia was bright red there; she dearly hoped that it had been the other one that Blacky had meant. "The method differs slightly but the aim is pretty much the same throughout all species, an act designed for reproduction."

"..." Blacky just stared at her, blankly.

"Having kits," Spiral sighed.

"Oh!" He finally got it, sorta.

"Or when you're drunk and the girl sitting up near the bar has a cute butt," Fervo inputted as he walked in, heading for the fridge.

"Drunk?" Blacky asked.

"I could tell you, but it'll be easier just to let you find out for yourself. Tell you-" Fervo stared to say as he pulled out a sandwich

"If you are even considering getting my brother drunk, I will castrate you," Spiral growled.

"You could come too!" Fervo insisted

"Get out."

"I live here!"

"OUT!" Spiral yelled as loud as she could.

* * *

The massive attic, much like the basement, was more than large enough to encompass several rooms. Some of the more exotic guests lived up there, several of them laughing their merry heads off at the show before them. Wearing a silky, bright yellow ball gown, 'Mewtwo' pranced around the basement. Completing the costume was a sparkling silver tiara with several small gemstones set into the room, a glittery set of fairy wings that had been swiped from a fancy dress store and a small silvery stick which fashioned as a wand.

"_I am a fairy princess, tralala!_" Mew danced around the basement, managing to mimic Mewtwo's telepathic voice as he did so. He was suddenly rather glad that Mewtwo was out moping somewhere. Nearby, Eve and the other higher powers were trying to fit in breaths between their manic laughing.

Mew, in yet another act of spontaneity, darted forwards and plunked the tiara, one that he'd stolen from a 'beauty queen' a century ago, onto his sister's head, hauling her up and pulling her into the dance. However, Eve wasn't prepared to join the fairy princess and retaliated with a fairly vicious slap, one that left Mew clutching a bruised cheek and Celebi to fall of his chair in utter hysterics. Eve stomped off, right up until Mew pounced her in a giant hug.

"_Get off of me, you bastard!_"

"_Not until you say sorry for swearing,_" Mew countered, jabbing her in the ribs with the wand as he did so.

Eve didn't have to struggle in order to break free, Mew was rather forcibly hurled to the side by the real Mewtwo; who'd just stepped in through the door from the balcony, having returned from his sulk around Saffron. Even if he had gotten over whatever had been annoying him, the sight of Mew using his form in idiotic costumes just rekindled his temper. Those cold, fiery, eyes glared down as Mew pushed himself back up, brushing down his dress.

"_That wasn't nice, you know. This dress is an antique, used to belong to a noble 'bout four centuries ago; you shouldn't try to damage it like that._"

"_Then I shall damage it in other ways,_" Mewtwo shot back, a Shadow Ball forming in his paw.

"_...Trust you to be a smartass,_" Mew sighed, scratching the back of his head as was his habit, then he froze before taking on a rather jovial grin. "_Oooh, that's good, right behind the ears..._"

Eve and Jirachi, were both looking rather weirded out, the former backing away and finally removing the glinting tiara from her head. She hid it behind her back, unable to bring herself to destroy something so sparkly thanks to her feline nature combined with the memories of a small child, wearing such an item, albeit a fake one, one Halloween. She was snapped out of her daze when Mewtwo, the real one, found his Shadow Ball rocketing out of his paw and straight out of the window. The cause, a grinning fairy princess.

"_Expelliarmus!_" He gave a wave of the wand with a wink."_Although, really it's just me using your brain patterns to manipulate your attacks. But that doesn't sound as cool, does it?_"

He then had to duck under a punch, Mewtwo deciding that physical assault would work just as well. Mew ducked behind the clone and got him in a headlock, which was trickier than it looked considering Mewtwo's extra neck thing.

"_Now, you are going to admit that you secretly wanted to be a fairy princess and that the reason you are such a grouch is because you couldn't,_" Mew ordered.

"_I wanted no such thing,_" Mewtwo countered, Mew swearing that he could make out the faintest little growl deep in his brother's throat.

"_Meh. I'm bored, I'll go get pizza!_"

And, with that, Mew vanished and there was a resounding thump as Mewtwo fell face first, being caught unaware by the sudden vanishing trick. Eve, deciding not to stick around, quickly ran down the hatch into the house proper, lobbing the tiara over her shoulder as she went. It'd lost its charm now, and Mewtwo was likely to get angry if he spotted her with it, so she dumped it. However, her method of dumping it involved it arcing through the air and landing, quite by chance, on the real Mewtwo's head as he pushed himself up. Celebi, unable to hold in his laughter, found himself blasted through the window, two buildings and out of the city itself.

Meanwhile, totally invisible, Anti and Ryuu hovered around the attic, clutching digital cameras much like Scarlet's. The memory of said devices was full, as it always was when Mew decided to annoy Mewtwo with his shapeshifting. Scarlet'd find the wallpaper on the computer changed, and she wouldn't mind, because the new one would be just as amusing. Mewtwo's look of shock and confusion as the tiara landed on his head. Priceless.


	2. Tale of the Pink Cats

Okay, more silly comic-relief from me, seeing as the main stories themselves have had little in the way of humour lately. The HC lot, as of yet, have been rather neglected in this... I'll have to remedy that next time. But, first, two rather amusing scenes. Well, they sort of merged as the Mew based one comes after the set up to the Blacky based one. Still, they're both rather amusing.

The Blacky based one, that just had to be done sooner or later. It'll probably warrent a sequal in a later edition of this silliness.

The Mew one, that one is Cherry's fault again. Curse her and her ability to give me ideas that I really should not be allowed to put on the internet.

Anyway, I know this one isn't anywhere near as long as the last, but that's just me being lazy and deciding to stop while I have the energy, instead of burning out and ending it with a rather non-amusing scene.

And, look, no need for a yaoi-warning because Aeris had no chance to con me into it. Yay for me writing whenever she isn't around.

**Not-Quite-Drunken Silly - Part Two: Tale of the Pink Cats**

Fervo was rudely awoken from his mid-afternoon nap. He grumbled about it, rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Which became impossible as something lumped onto his stomach and started licking at his face.

"Come on, wake up! Please!"

"Blacky... there had better be a damn good reason why you needed my attention so badly that you covered my face in slobber." The Treecko cracked open one eye and glared across at the Umbreon. He didn't look too happy, which wasn't exactly a good sign. Even if it wasn't enough to bring out his psychotic side, there was a fair chance that Flame'd turn on the cause for said unhappiness. Or, if the cause wasn't known, it was Fervo who got fried.

Anyway, Blacky hopped off, sitting down at the end of the bed with his ears drooping slightly.

"It's Spiral, she's all moody and won't play anymore."

"You what?!" Fervo blurted out, not believing that the Umbreon had woken him up for that. "So she's in a strop, big deal."

"She shouted at me," he whimpered, Fervo instantly backtracking. This was bad, he just knew that Flame would not have a pop at Spiral, so he was the default target.

"No, no, no, I'll help! Really..." He paused as Blacky instantly bounced back to normal happy self. "Sure, I was saving this for her birthday but I'm sure I can make an exception."

The Treecko hopped off the bed, trying not to laugh as the Umbreon attempted to follow, tripped over his own paws and fell straight off it instead.

"Kid, you really need to learn how to take things a little slower," Fervo chuckled to himself as he headed over to the small chest at the bottom of the bed, one of his climbing claws sliding out of their hiding place. Seeing as he never bothered with a key, it was safer that way, he slid the claw into the lock and gave it a few jiggles before twisting his paw. There was a loud clicking sound and he was able to open the large storage unit.

He started digging through the massive amount of junk he'd accumulated, the sets of clothes, the stash of booze, many objects he used to embarrass or blackmail the others. And, right near the bottom, a small gift-wrapped box. It was this that he pulled out.

"Okay, kid, take this straight to her. If this doesn't cheer her up, nothing will," he handed the box over to Blacky, who held the ribbon in his teeth, nodded enthusiastically, turned and belted for the door, shooting into the hallway and towards Spiral's room. Fervo turned back to his chest. "Sod it, I ain't getting back to sleep now." He reached in and grabbed a rubber ball, lobbing it at the wall and catching it on the rebound, it also bounced off of the ceiling, the thumping sound echoing up into the attic. Annoying the psychics who lived up there was one of his hobbies, after all.

He then found himself having to duck as a small, solid, black disk like object shot through the open window and nearly took his head off. It left a dent in the wall, bounced off and skidded around the floor before finally stopping. Fervo stared at it, not quite believing his eyes. A hockey puck?

"Sorry!" Came the familiar yell from Mew as he popped in, wearing a red helmet, complete with face mask and ear holes, on his head. "Me and Celebi were playing air hockey and I sorta missed."

Fervo stared, trying to make sense of what he'd just been told. He eventually found the brainpower to ask, "You're playing ice hockey... in the air?"

"Yeah, Mewtwo wouldn't let us freeze the river and play on that. Some crap about disrupting the canal system would ruin trade and social order, blah, blah, blah!"

"Please tell me I'm drunk," the Treecko sighed.

"You're drunk, while actually completely sober. Can I have the puck back now, before Celebi starts goofing off with the hockey sticks again?"

"Go ahead. Just try not to put it through my window this time."

Mew grabbed the offending Hockey Puck and retreated back outside, Fervo hopping up onto the windowsill and gawping at the sight before him. He was on the second floor, and on that exact same level there was a flat glowing barrier in the air. It was this that Mew and Celebi had been using as a hockey pitch. The latter of the two legendaries was balanced on the top of the two hockey sticks and using them as stilts. He found himself knocked onto the 'floor' as Mew bunged the puck at him.

"Gimme my stick back, and it's your turn to start." The kitten rolled his eyes, catching the stick as it was thrown towards him and taking residence at one of the ends of the pitch, where they had marked out the goal using traffic cones that they had probably stolen.

Celebi shot forwards, surprisingly skilled at using the hockey stick and keeping control of the puck. He fired off a shot, the puck swerving around Mew in a way that it actually looped around him three times, rising further into the air with each loop, before bouncing off of Mew's helmet and launching itself into the goal. Mew glared across at the fairy. "Are you cheating?"

"Nope. Not at all."

"Because there is no way in hell that you can pull off a stunt like that without telekinesis."

"Okay, maybe a little." Celebi looked down at his feet, seeming a little embarrassed, then having to look up as Mew clobbered him with an uppercut with the hockey stick.

"Well, it wouldn't be ice hockey without a fight, I guess." Fervo shrugged, deciding to watch the rest of the scrap.

* * *

"Spiral?" Blacky stopped at the entrance to his sister's room, remembering that she didn't like people just walking in.

"Sod off, I'm busy!" she snapped back, the Umbreon's ears drooping again at the words.

"But I brought a present..." he said, there was silence before Spiral replied, poking her head around the doorway.

"Why didn't you say so!? Get your butt in here and let me open it already!"

So, after being dragged by the scruff of the neck, Blacky found himself dumped in the center of her bedroom, the walls a vivid lime-green. A colour she detested, which had inspired Mew and Fervo to go and paint it while she was out. Spiral used Swift to practically rip the present open, staring at the small, dark green ball it revealed.

"What the hell... why give me a ball? I'm not a dog!" She glared across at her brother, who gave a semi-shrug as he tried to resist the urge to run away from her piercing eyes.

Then, the psychic noticed the holes in the ball, realising there had to be something inside the object. So, she did the natural thing and got closer, trying to peer inside. She wasn't foolish, Mew was a sod for booby-trapping the most innocent looking of devices; she remembered the time that Eve had ran screaming through the house after the toaster had clamped itself around her paw. But, the ball didn't look that innocent, so there was a fair chance it wasn't going to turn into a water bomb, or a dye-bomb, which had been Mew's favorite prank of late. In fact, Squirt was still grumbling over when Mew had dyed his ears and tail a vivid pink and only ever stopping when his Kirlia, who he had taken to calling Karen for some reason, made a remark about how adorable it made him look.

"Is it going to blow up?" she asked her brother. She rolled her eyes at the reply she really should have expected.

"I don't think so."

"Hmm..." she gave the device a slight sniff, trying to detect the odour of any hair dye, and her entire body froze for half a second. Her tail and ears started quivering, picking up speed as she suddenly shot back around and effectively pinned Blacky to the floor in a perfect mimicry of his hug attack. "Catnip! How'd you know I wanted some!?"

"I'm clever!" Blacky beamed in reply, forcing his sister off and running for the door, the Espeon giving chase and starting a game of tag that caused utter chaos for the rest of the mansion's occupants.


	3. Demotion of the Foodchain

Well, another silly done. And I'd had this idea bouncing around for a while. An idea with so much potential that it's a multi-parter, with evil cliffhanger!

Yeah, just because this is a silly fic, doesn't mean I have to ditch my evil cliffhangers.

Still, the next part'll be fun. Oh, and if you haven't already, check out the website in my profile, 'cause the Dress scene from part one got awesome fanart and it's being shown off there.

Oh, and if you don't recognize that book that they're reading, you need to die, really.

**Not-Quite-Drunken Silly - Part Three: Demotion of the Foodchain**

Squirt was sitting on one of the kitchen counters, eating a bowl of cereal, seeing as they were all out of toast so he couldn't get a decent breakfast. He was, almost happily, munching away and totally unaware of Fervo heading over to the fridge.

"Hey Jazzy," the Treecko piped up, as he removed a can of Lum Berry Juice from the fridge and climbed up onto the counter, using his claws to manipulate the ring-pull that Humans insisted on putting on cans.

"Don't call me that," Squirt sighed, contemplating just throwing the half eaten bowl of cereal at Fervo and starving untill lunch.

"Why can't I call you it?" The Treecko asked, actually sounded innocent, Squirt wasn't fooled, it was obviously a ruse. "Karen calls you it."

"She's my girlfriend, she's allowed to," the Wartortle replied, making it as blunt as he could.

"So..." Fervo paused for a second, the water type beside him suddenly getting the feeling of impending doom, "I could be your boyfriend, then I'd be allowed to call you it!"

There would have been a few seconds of shocked silence, had Squirt not had a mouthfull of cereal at the time and swallowed it in his shock. There was the sound of choking, the Wartortle's face going red from a combination of oxygen-deprivation and sheer confusion. Fervo just sat there, only speaking up further when Squirt suddenly snatched his can of alchohol away and started gulping it down in an attempt to clear his throat. It worked, but now his head felt a little blurry. The floor looked very inviting all of a sudden.

"That looked like it hurt," Fervo's voice broke through the fog that had taken over Squirt's mind, sounding as though it came from a fair distance above him. It wasn't that far from the truth either.

"It did," Squirt managed to push himself up, dusting off his front.

"Good!"

Squirt was so tempted to start throwing cutlery at the Treecko, a good spork injury'd shut him up. There were two reasons that he didn't. One; Fervo was very good at catching projectiles and throwing them right back. And two; the door swung open and the small Umbreon padded in with head held hight, tail moving fast enough to act as a fan. And, with the scruff of it's neck clenched firmly between the dark types teeth, an even smaller purple rodent scowled up at everyone.

"I has a rat!" Blacky announced, loud and proud at his capture, even if holding it did muffle his speech slightly.

"I am not a rat," the Rattata grumbled, it's voice rather shaky, as though it wasn't used to speaking. Yet there was definitely a controlling tone to it, which was rather unfitting for a Rattata, "I am a genetically-engineered organism."

"We'll just stick with rat, it's faster," Fervo countered, leaping down beside Squirt, somehow managing to take the still half-full cereal bowl and not spill a single piece of the breakfast snack.

"-Secondly," the rat continued, after giving a momentary glare in the Treecko's direction, "the correct manner of phrasing that statement would be: I have acquired a rat. Now, would you release me?"

Blacky nodded, which would have been fine had he not been his usual enthusiastic self about it. When he stopped, the Rattata looked dizzy and dazed, then slightly fearfull as the Umbreon turned and bolted out of the room with the words "Let's go play!"

"So Blacky got himself a pet." Squirt sighed, "Flame is going to be pissed."

"Where is the dumbass fire lizard anyway? Haven't seen him around in days."

"Well, I'm going to have to take a wild guess here," Squirt paused for a moment's thought, before his eyes locked on a point just over the Treecko's shoulder, "Hmm... Right behind you."

"Ah..." The Treecko winced at the sound of knuckles cracking into place, "I would like to note that I was joking about the dumbass comment. You have a very smart arse, cute too."

So, Squirt finally got to eat his cereal, while cheering and wincing along with the beating occuring in front of him. It was around half a minute before Fervo started fighting back, by which time Flame had gotten ahold of a motorised whisk and just started chasing the Treecko around with it.

"Ooookay," Celebi muttered, ignoring the Treecko's shouting and flailing as the legendary plonked himself down beside Squirt, "you seen Mewtwo anywhere? Me and Mew have to try and explain to him that his bed caught fire, and how it totally isn't out fault, before he finds out and completely flips."

"So, how was it not your fault?"

"Well, we were playing a game of fire tennis and the ball got caught in a freak tornado that blew it into Mewtwo's room."

"Uh huh, a freak tornado, right." Squirt muttered sarcastically as he finished the last of his cereal.

"Yeah, it was weird. Just popped up out of no where and caught the ball. Anyway, you seen Mewtwo or what?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Okay then," Celebi got to his feet, "now, if I was a genetically engineered superclone, where would I be?"

The three reptilian Pokemon paused, staring at Celebi. It was a few seconds before the fate fairy realised that he was being watched.

"What?"

"That last thing you asked," Fervo piped up.

"Where would a genetically engineered superclone hide, yeah. Why, do you know."

"Genetically engineered..." Flame paused for thought, "I've heard that before."

All three reptiles thought about it for a few seconds before they all jerked upright at the same moment. "Blacky!"

So, after a mad dash through the mansion, they located the Umbreon in the gardens, rings glowing, as he glared down at a equally hostile rodent. Blacky had a bite mark on his left forepaw, evidently Mewtwo had tried to escape using his physical shock tactic thing. And it was very, very close to backfiring.

"Uh, we're gonna have to break them up," Celebi pointed out.

"You're the legendary, you do it!" Squirt countered, "the hell that I'm trying."

"I'll do it." Flame muttered, stepping over and hauling Blacky back by the tail, he was about the only person who could do that and live. "You, off." Then he turned to Mewtwo, "you... what the fuck happened?"

It was a long, and rather boring tale. Long story short, he'd been minding his own business, generally moping around, when there was a bright flash of white and he was a Rattata.

"How the hell did you make that tale so damn long winded!?" Fervo practically shouted, he had pins and needles in his tail after sitting still for the half hour. In fact, Mewtwo's story had been longer than that, but they'd all vacated to the dining room after it started raining after the first fifteen minutes.

"Told you he was legendary material, only one of us could make the simplest thing a freakin' novel," another voice piped up, everyone spinning around to see Mew leaning on the doorway, half way up it and floating in the air. "Heya bro, like the makeover. Nice whiskers."

Mewtwo's eyes flashed purple, but nothing happened. Mew gave a very unmasculine giggle, "ooh, threw your phychic abilities out too. Oh dear."

"Change me back!"

"I can't. Bodyswapping is easy, changing certain strands of people's genetic makeup is easy. Changing their entire form, not so much. It'd probably take the combined power of me, Cel and Jir... problem is, Jir's on vacation and won't be back for another couple of days."

"Then go and locate her!"

"I would, but that would mean taking orders from a Rattata. I have a reputation to keep."

Mewtwo didn't have time to argue, Mew'd hauled him into the air with his telekenisis and shot up towards the attic, then the Rattata attempted to escape the psychic hold as he realised just where Mew was taking him.

"Hey, Eve, I brought something for you!" Mew said as he opened the door to Eve's room, the legendary's sister looking up from her book, raising an eyebrow as Mew plonked the Rattata down on the desk in front of her.

"_Mew, why did you bring me a Rattata?_"

"I need you to look after it for a bit, I have important things to do, like clean up the mess from a freak tornado incident earlier."

"_Freak tornado?_" As she stared at Mew, the Rattata doing the same, her hand reached across and slowly started petting the rodent.

Mew had to try really, really hard not to laugh at the sight of Mewtwo freezing up at the touch. New body, new instincts, Mewtwo just couldn't fight them and was essentially a pure blooded Rattata then, slowly relaxing as the soft stroking continued. If it wasn't for his years of practice, Mew would have cracked up when the rodent's eyes unfocused slightly when the petting moved to his ears.

"Oh, that reminds me, his name is Mewtwo."

The petting stopped.

"_You named him Mewtwo? After our brother?_" Eve looked confused.

"I am not that fortunate," Mewtwo growled, cutting off Mew before the elder cat could reply. Eve stared down at the Rattata, yanking her hand back, her eyes wide with shock.

"_You want me to look after him?!_"

"Uh, yeah, that's what I asked you to do. Have fun!" Mew vanished before she could refuse.

The two 'brethren' just stared at eachother.

"_I can't believe I thought you were cute. Still; figures you'd be a rat._"

"And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?"

"_It suits your personality._"

"I shall take that as a compliment, for your sake."

"You're a Rattata, you can't exactly threaten people," another voice piped up, as Anti phased through Eve's desk, making both her and Mewtwo jump slightly. Ryuu, preferring more conventional methods of entering, flew in through the window, and started prodding the Rattata with his claws.

"This is going to put a wrench in your lifetime goal of being a fairy princess," he told the Rattata, laughing when Mewtwo tried to bite him. Eve had to hide her smirk behind her hand, especially as Mewtwo's glare turned on her.

"_Guys, just leave him alone. Okay?_"

"Fine. But only because it's you." Anti sighed, looping Ryuu with his tail and vacating through the wall.

"I am not thanking you for that," Mewtwo scowled.

"_I didn't expect you to._"

With that, Eve just went back to her book, leaving the Rattata sitting there on her desk, lost in his own thoughts. It took him half a second to come up with a plan. Slowly, everytime she moved to turn a page, he edged closer to the edge of the desk. It took twenty pages, but he made it without her noticing. He was tempted to berate her for her lack of attention, but that would have ruined his stealth, so he waiting for another page before vaulting off of the desk, landing on the small rug to prevent his tiny claws from making a sound on the floorboards, as he made a break for the open door.

Mewtwo found himself telekentically hurled to the side, slamming into the wall just to the left of the gateway to freedom, and pinned there as Eve inserted the bookmark in her book with a slight sigh, getting to her feet.

"_You really shouldn't go outside. You don't know what is out there._"

"Nothing dangerous."

"_Normally, yeah. But you're a Rattata now. I can think of quite a few people who would want to hurt you, seeing as you aren't exactly the nicest person around._"

Mewtwo found the situation slightly ironic, it was usually him pinning her to stuff and giving her the lecture. And it was him who was usually right, but now it was her who had the point. Not that he'd admit it.

"_You're even thinking that I'm right,_" Eve smirked, Mewtwo suddenly becomming away of that slight tingle in the back of his mind that signalled someone skimming his thoughts. And, as a Rattata, he had no defence against it. He was going to complain about that, untill he stopped as he watched her close the bedroom door, turning the key in the lock before using telekenisis to put it in the hanging lightshade. Now there was no way he could escape through the door, getting to the key would involved hanging upside down from the ceiling, not to mention the hassle of getting it to the keyhole, then turning it.

She then did the same thing with the window. No way out. He was trapped.

"_See how you like being trapped inside._" She smirked, looking way too proud of herself.

"_Curse her and her logic, and Mew for getting me in this situation._" Mewtwo thought to himself, seeing as Eve had stopped reading his mind. Still, she could have guessed what she was thinking if she hadn't turned back to her book.

Mewtwo, not recognizing the title, managed to get back onto the desk and slipped under her arm, so he could see. Eve didn't protest, merely giving an amused glance down for half a second or so. Luckily, she had only just finished the starting chapter, so he was able to figure out what was going on. It was one of those fantasy books, probably borrowed from Jirachi, who was rather fond of that genre. Set in a realm without Pokemon, humanity having to fend solely for itself against plague and famine, while simultanously under seige by great dragons. In the end, one of the Human's last survivers managed to take down the father of the dragons with an explosive crossbow bolt, in the same construction site that the dragon race had started spreading from. Overall, a rather satisfactory story.

By the time they had finished, the sun was setting.

"_Good thing she let me borrow a load of these books, or you'd get bored,_" Eve smirked down at him as she put the book on top of the smaller of the two pile on the desk, evidently the 'finished' pile, before she got up and stretched slightly.

"I am quite capable of entertaining myself."

"_Yeah, you're a rat. A box and a bit of string'd keep you amused for hours,_" she teased, before letting out a yawn, "_I'm going to bed... if I wake up and you're using me as a pillow, you're going through that window._"

"The window is closed and locked."

"_I know. And don't you dare disturb me while I'm sleeping either._"

So Mewtwo was left to make himself a bed, using the slightly worn cloak that Mew had given her for her 'birthday' the year before. The cloak that he had been wondering what had happened to. An hour later and Eve was sound asleep, the room illuminated by the moon shining through the window. Mewtwo was just about to dose off, when he noticed that the door was open. He blinked, that wasn't possible... Then someone grabbed him from behind, a sickly smelling rag was thrust under his nose, the fumes making the world spin before all went dark...


	4. Of Mice and Mew

Oooh, more setting up for the third part of this little miniseries. More Mewtwo humiliation is on the way folks, probably with some Fervo and Celebi abuse fitted in for good measure.

Oh, and a character born on the whacko roleplays me and Aeris have occasionally is set to make its debut appearence. That'll be fun.

**Not-Quite-Drunken Silly - Part Four: Of Mice and Mew**

"Why did you have me chloroform him?" Celebi asked as he let Mewtwo slump forward, Mew handing back the bottle of the potent chemical, and the satchel containing the gear they needed for their little heist..

"Do you know what he did to the last guy who tried to take a blood sample from him?"

"No idea."

"Then I'll spare you the details. Especially considering that you've eaten recently... Get Eve too."

"Yessir!" Celebi saluted, coming very close to holding the rag under his own nose. As it was, he staggered slightly, "whooo, that stuff is strong!"

Mew just glared at Celebi untill the fairy got his act together and gassed the cat's sister. She didn't even stir.

"Okay, why did you have me chloroform her?"

"Because I wanted to see if you'd ask me why before you did it."

"Ah."

"And I'll need a blood sample from her too." Mew sighed as he straightened Mewtwo's left foreleg, "She wasn't quite as vicious to the guy who did that, but I'm not taking any chances. Now put that rag away and hand me the needle so I can get this done."

Celebi reached into his bag, locating the object that Mew had asked for and handed it over. The pink psychic looked down at the sewing needle, slowly turning his gaze to Celebi.

"You know what I meant."

"Sorry." Another try came and went, Mew scowling at the object that was yanked out of the bag.

"How the hell did you fit a knitting needle in that thing?!"

"I have no idea," Celebi shrugged, lobbing the needle over his shoulder and wincing as it thudded straight into Eve's pillow, missing her nose by mere fractions of an inch.

"Don't do that again. And I want the needles that go in syringes, dumbass!" Mew growled, giving Celebi a quick clout over the head, just to make sure.

So, when Celebi finally handed over the goods, four syringes lay on the desk beside Mew.

"Why four?"

"One for Mewtwo, one for Eve, one for me. And the spare," Mew said, picking up the one he had guestured to last, and stabbing Celebi in the head with it, "hold onto that."

"I don't think I have a choice..." Celebi's eyes unfocused slightly before he fell over backwards, and off of the desk. There was a rather satisfying thump as the fairy hit the floor, Mew allowing himself a brief chuckle as he picked up the syringe with the smallest needle. Mewtwo didn't even stir as the sample was taken, which was exactly the reaction Mew had been hoping for... if anything, the sleepy grin the Rattata was giving was creepier than him waking up could ever have been. "Good thing you aren't in your normal form," Mew told the sleeping rat, "or I'd have nightmares about that grin."

Mew'd managed to get a blood sample off of Eve too, yanking out the knitting needle from the pillow with his tail as he headed back to the desk, before Celebi hauled himself back into view. He yanked out the syringe, Mew deciding that it was neither the time or the place to point out that the needle was still imbedded in Celebi's head, instead preferring to take the blood sample from himself.

"So, we're done here then?" Celebi asked.

"Oh, no, my good friend. Why waste such a nice oppertunity for a little fun," Mew gave a toothy grin as he reached into the satchel and pulled out several long, bright red, ribbons.

* * *

"How the hell did you manage to build a labratory in the middle of the Saffron Underground without anyone knowing?" Celebi asked as Mew flicked on the lights to the giant structure. The labratory did look the part, desks all over the place, great dusty bookshelves and giant computers lined the white walls.

"Easy, I didn't. I just 'acquired' it from someone else," Mew gave a smirk as he slipped on a lab coat, one that actually fit his normal form. He tossed another one over to Celebi, the fairy wondering how exactly Mew managed to 'acquire' a lab coat that fit him exactly...

"Have you been taking measuments of people while they are sleeping?"

"Among other things, yes." Mew winked. "Why do you think I had that chloroform? Plus it acts as my 'stop Flame doing something stupid' device. He gets close to starting a riot, I just knock him out."

While Mew was scanning or doing other lab stuff with the blood sample, Celebi had a quick look around the labratory. There was nothing that seemed worthy of swiping, in fact the chemicals actually looked deadly instead of fun... so he just wandered over to the nearest computer and started poking random buttons... right up untill he spotted the big red one labeled 'Do Not Press. EVER!'

So, naturally, he pressed it. And then felt his levitation fail as he was hit by a fully charged blast of electricity from the tesla coil implanted in the ceiling above. The electricty was attracted to the nearest metalic object, which would have been a watch or and earing in a Human... or the needle in Celebi's head.

"You had to go and press the button, didn't you," Mew sighed as he floated over to the singed fairy, wrinkling his nose at the smell.

"Whoa..." Celebi pushed himself so he was sitting up, twitching slightly, "you have got to try that!"

"Several hundred watts of electricity, most of which probably dumped in your brain-" Mew sighed, untill he was rudely interrupted.

"I feel tingly..."

"-I'll pass."

Mew hauled Celebi upright, yanked the red hot needle out of his skull and threw it in the dustbin.

"Okay, you still working in there?" He asked, managing to look serious, which was a tricky feat considering the fact that he was a bright pink kitten in a white lab coat.

"As much as normal."

"Oh good, so I have reason to be worried then. Anyway, the computers should be done with all the analysis and crap by morning, there's not anything we can do here. So we get the night off."

Celebi paused for a second, before speaking up, "gee, Mew, whadya want to do tonight?"

Mew turned back to the green fairy, swishing his lab coat as he gave a toothy grin, "the same thing we do every night, Celebi. Try to take over the world!"

"Aww, I thought tonight was pizza and movie night."

"Oh yeah... Hey, Jir isn't here, she can't complain if we pick a movie with a insanely high death count!"

"oooh, let's get Alien!"

"No. Not Alien. Not after last time." Mew gave a shudder, that was a memory he would rather forget ever possessing. Ugh...

"Look, I promise I won't try to see if people have been implanted by freaky alien babies..."

"I meant the other time."

"Or get drunk and pretend to be a facehugger."

"Other time, Cel."

"...Oh! That one. Hey, that was Jir's fault, she dared me to do it!"

"Still not getting Alien. Or any of the sequels. And that is final." Mew folded his arms, the ultimate in final guestures, there was no arguing with the folded arms. Ever. It just wasn't done.

"You suck."

* * *

"Spiral..."

"What?" Spiral glanced across at her brother, both of them laying on their backs in the middle of the garden. It was an unusually clear night, the stars were perfectly visible.

"If you could, which star would you go to?" Blacky grinned.

"I don't believe it, you're actually coming up with questions that won't get me shot for answering..." Spiral paused, looking across the sky before singling out a small lonely speck in the bleak realm of space, "that one. It's in the middle of no where, so it'd be nice and peacefull. And away from you."

"Aww, that's nice." As usual, Blacky completely missed the wisecrack, "I wanna go to that one." He guestured to the bright light in question with a sweep of his paw. A bandaged paw... Spiral didn't ask about how he got that injury, after all, he'd only tell her.

Spiral stared at the light, not quite believing her eyes. He couldn't... it wasn't possible... No one is that stupid.

"Blacky, that's a lamppost."

"And?" She spotted his rings taking on a faint glow, before her purple orbs were locked with his crimson ones, "I'm just making my goals a little more realistic."

"You are an ass." It was the only thing that came to mind for her to say.

"Whatever, forked butt."

* * *

"Flame?" Karen stepped into the living room, watching the Charmander snacking on a basket of apples while hurling insults at the stupidity on the TV.

"Oh, hey Kirlia. Look, can you believe this crap? I've been impaled through the shoulder repeatedly, it's not fatal, yet this guy started spouting some 'I am about to die' crap and everything. Look, all fatal injuries don't give you time to do that sort of shit, especially not if the homocidal chick who caused them is still around."

"Scarlet wants you." The psychic just looked tired, she'd been working overtime, something that was starting to take its toll. Even her dress, which was normally spotless, was slightly wrinkled and dusty...

"And speak of the homocidal chick... What's she want?"

"I don't know. She said it was important. And, I'm using her exact words here, '_If he doesn't haul his tail up here right now, I am going to shove the television remote so far up his arse that he'll be able to lick the batteries_'"

"Sounds important. She wouldn't waste the remote threat on anything trivial," Flame sighed, leaping off of the sofa and walking past the tired Karen, "oh, and get yourself some sleep, or Squirt'll be ranting about it tomorrow, and I'd hate to have to kill him. Trying to get Wartortle blood out of my claws is hard, stuff like that ruins my day..."


	5. Pubs, Hair and Scyther

Title says it all really. Still, some rather nice silly moments here. And, who really didn't see the start of scene one coming? Come on, it's called Not Quite Drunken Silly for a reason. There still has to be alchoholism involved somewhere. And, with Fervo around, that criteria is easy to settle.

...I still can't believe I pulled off a silly moment with Scyther.

And, yes, we'll probably reach at least one of these joke's punchlines next chapter.

**Not-Quite-Drunken Silly - Part Five: Pubs, Hair and Scyther**

It was an ordinary pub by Fervo's standards, people filling the place to get away from their mundane lives. There, in the corner, were the depressed drunks... dancing on the table near the back were the overly happy drunks, there was a fight going on outside between two of the angry drunks. The only real difference was the fact that none of the people inside the building were Human. Even the serving girls and the bartender were Pokemon. Said bartender, a rather slender Gardevoir by the name of Steve, was having a nice conversation with Dione, probably about explosions, while Jack was trying as hard as he could not to make a comment on the fact that the guy was wearing what looked like a dress. Or the fact that it had parted slightly at the back... Although, Fervo had to wonder if the drooling was really necessary.

Of course, things just wouldn't be complete without two of the resident psychopaths being present. Kirlia was sitting to Jack's right, head down on the counter and nearly asleep. Fervo rolled his eyes at that, what a lightweight... and, beyond him, Pika sat, munching on the complimentary peanuts. She was the least drunk of the group, only having had one drink in order to get the free nuts... Fervo really had to fight back a comment about that, a pub was the worst place to piss her off. She'd hit Kirlia over the head with a stool on one occasion, practically neutered Jack with a glass on another... In fact, the only reason she wasn't barred and was allowed to consume insane amounts of peanuts was because she kept the worst drunken louts away, the kind that groped the barmaids and started shouting curses after a few pints.

But none of that was as interesting as the barmaids, especially the one that was giving him another Poke-pint of Sitrus Ale.

"Wierd, you're the soberest one here for once," the Bellossom spoke up as she planted a foamy glass in front of him.

"Jack seems to have nicked most of my money, so I can't exactly afford to keep up with him. Shame," Fervo grinned as he picked up the glass," I was looking forward to having a slightly-drunken conversation with you tonight, Flora."

"You don't get chatty with the rest of the serving girls," she raised an eyebrow, which was really more of a petal.

"The rest of them aren't my type," he replied, with a straight face, before taking a sip of the ale.

"No, I suppose you're right..." Flora happened to be the only grass type that worked there.

"Besides, someone'll have to drag Kirlia home when he passes out, and it's my turn anyway."

And, right on cue, the psychic slipped from his stool, hitting the floor with a rather sickening thump, before he started snoring. Fervo rolled his eyes, downing the last of his drink and getting to his feet.

"Suppose I'd better get moving then."

"I could give you a hand with him." Flora spoke up, causing the Treecko to cock an eyescale. "My shift ends in a minute and your place is on the way to mine."

"...How do you know that?"

"Big mansion, prone to having certain rooms randomly explode, you can't really miss it."

"Yeah, that's the place alright. Okay, I could use a paw, Kirlia tends to get a little too... touchy if you can't hold both his arms down. I'll leave now, you wait five minutes then head out, otherwise the Pikachu over there is going to throw a fit and kill us both." Which wasn't too far from the truth, when Jack had managed to pick up a girl, Pika'd practically hospitalized the two.

"You know what'd totally make her not suspect a thing?" Flora asked, Fervo asking why, then there was a resounding crack as she slapped him, turning away from him with a growl, "see you in five" and then she faked storming off in a huff.

"There is such a thing as being too clever," Fervo mumbled to himself as he rubbed his sore cheek, before grabbing the unconscious psychic and dragging him for the door.

---

Out of the two sleeping occupants, Eve was the first to shake off the chloroform. Which was not surprising, considering that she was a much greater size then the Rattata that still slept soundly on her desk.

"_Ugh... why is my head so foggy?_" She murmered to herself, even her telepathy sounding sleepy, as she sat up and rubbed at her eyes in an attempt to shake off the worst of the tiredness. A strand of hair was in front of her eyes and she swept it away, absent mindedly, before freezing as a quiet gasp escaped out of her throat... something was off, really off.

She was wide awake now, that much was for certain, as her wide eyes scanned the room. Nothing, a quick burst of telekenisis rattled the door handle, it was still locked... Mewtwo was still asleep, and that was the biggest worry of all. Even he should have woken up, especially at the sounds of panicked breathing she was making. She practically leapt out of the bed, scrambling over the floorboards, even more creaking noises sounding out through the dusty darkness. And yet still he didn't stir.

Lit only by the moonlight that filtered in through the dusty window as she reached the desk and reached out to prod the Rattata. He was definitely still breathing... but even the most persistant of prodding wouldn't get him to stir. And there was still the fact that her hair felt heavier than before. She reached for her mirror, observing her reflection in the dim light. Unfortunatly, her feline like eyesight allowed her to see, exactly, what it was that was bugging her.

Scyther, who had been sitting on the attic staircase, was caught completely off guard by the loud, piercing scream of utter horror. His green eyes shot wide open as he flicked himself onto his feet. The sound wasn't telepathic, yet he was able to pinpoint the location of the scream to the one person who would do so... Eve. His wings burst free of their hiding hole in his carapice as he flung himself backwards, up the staircase. Using his momentum as he skidded along the dusty floor, he was able to turn and launch himself forwards in the direction of her room.

Even more dust was kicked up as, barely a second after the scream had occured, Scyther reached the wooden door. Keeping his wings at full speed, even as the breeze kicked up a small whirlwind of dust, he took a rapid glance at the door. It was a lever handle, he could operate that, but not fast enough, and the door was probably locked. Most people locked their doors while they were sleeping and vunerable, especially with the Treecko cousins around... So he didn't even bother trying it, sweeping up his left blade as his right took on the blue aura of an Air Cutter.

The hinges proved no hinderance and an armoured kick knocked the wooden barrier straight to the floor. Blade aimed through the dust cloud, the blue glow piercing the night and revealing a sight that stopped the bug cold. His wings froze, he took a half step back... Attached to her hair were several dozen bright red bows. If her look of horror at the ribbons had been bad, having her door broken in and a blade pointed right where she was standing made it worse. She looked close to fainting.

"Scyther apolagises for the door. Scyther was expecting... something else."

"_My hair..._"

"Yes, Miss Eve has hair. Scyther does not. Miss Eve can stop rubbing it in now."

"_It has ribbons in it!_"

"Scyther can see that."

"_It's not supposed to have ribbons in it!_"

"Then why does Miss Eve not just remove the ribbons?"

That stopped her. She'd been so busy throwing a fit that she'd forgotten that maybe, just maybe, she could just take them off. It would have saved her door, for a start. Then she remembered a rather important detail.

"_...I can't. My hands can't deal with small knots. And I'm not even going to try telekinesis, I like not being bald!_"

"Miss Eve has fur, it'd be a lot of work to become bald."

"_Stop being a smartarse and help me-_" she paused, staring at his blades, before raising her gaze over his shoulder "_Grovyle! You have paws able to undo knots, you can help me!_"

"I'll be right with you," the grass type sighed, shouldering his broom as he glanced across at the green insect, "what is it with you and doors? Do you have a vendetta against them?"

"There was no time to try opening it, it was most likely locked. Miss Eve could have been in danger of something other then harmless ribbons, so Scyther acted accordingly."

"It's the third one you've broken this month!" Grovyle was looking a little pissed, paw clenching tighter around his broom handle, even as the other slowly moved towards the hilt of his rapier.

"...Wasn't there a Rattata on Miss Eve's desk?"

"What?"

All three of them turned to look on the desk and, true to form, it was completely abandoned.

"_Oooooh cake. Mew is going to be pissed._"

"...Good thing most of the others are out on the town, or we could have a real problem on our hands. At least this way, there's a pretty big chance we can find it before anyone else does."

"Scyther has heard that before. It didn't end well."

---

Mewtwo'd made it to the bottom of the stairs, was half way down the corridoor, and heading towards the garden. He had been there when the transformation happened, just maybe he would return to his normal form if he made it back. Well, right up untill he froze at the sound of a door opening. Pink fur... feline ears. Mewtwo wanted to curse, and he couldn't even clench his oversized teeth without causing his jaw a great deal of discomfort. Mew. Well, he thought it was Mew, untill he realised that the creature was a lot bigger than Mew... Just as the Espeon turned, spotting the frozen purple rodent.

"Well... hello." She smirked, pointed fangs bared.

Mewtwo couldn't stop himself, his body's instincts were too strong. He turned away, and fled as fast as he could, tiny paws scrambling over the floorboards as Spiral took off straight after him.


	6. The Cute Special

Well, here is the result of a particually stubborn plot bunny. And, well, it was impeding my ability to write the next ToF, so I had to satisfy it. And, well, I wasn't expecting this... It's so... cute. And involving two characters who don't really fit the 'cute' thing. Still, somewhat proud of this. And as the title says, it's a special episode. It's not part of the Rattwo/PubMisadventures miniarc, it's just some random cute. After all, NQDS is solely a way for me to write scenes that would not fit in the real story, so I can get away with this.

Anyway, comments away, folks.

Not-Quite-Drunken Silly - The Cute Special

Winter was torture for those with old injuries. Flame's scar itched even more than usual, making him even more irritable. But even that paled in comparison to what the sudden cold did to damaged electricity sacs, like those that Pika had. She couldn't even absorb electrical energy anymore, and the burning feeling from the wounded sacs had spread into her throat, giving her a rather painful cough. The only way to stop it was to keep as warm as possible, so she was stuck inside as most of the others outside enjoyed the snow. Forced to watch from the living room as they engaged each other in a massive snowball fight, trying not to laugh and aggravate her throat even further as Kirlia sent a massive wave of snow down on Jack's head.

It was hard, being stuck inside watching everyone, even the Charmander, enjoying the white coat that seemed to shine in the sunlight. She sighed, the movement causing both a puff of white to hit the glass before her and yet another small coughing fit. She would have cursed, but even that was beyond her for the moment. Any loud or sudden action would make her situation worse, although it couldn't be much worse than having to stay inside while everyone else was out and enjoying winter's bounty.

Then there was the high pitched creaking of the door from the kitchen being pushed open, the Pikachu turning away from the window and frowning at the sight of Fervo's tail as the tree lizard backed through the entry way. She was expecting him to poke fun at her not being able to go outside, poke fun at her wounds... injured or not, she mentally prepared the agony that would be dashing over there and then the satisfaction of throttling him. However, that plan went straight out of the window as she saw the reason why he was backing into the room, in his arms was a tray upon which rested a full cup and a plate with a few biscuits... the smell wafting from the room was unmistakable.

"Here," the Treecko said as he wandered over, managing to balance the tray on the small table beside the window and picked up the cup, "made you this."

"Hot chocolate?" Pika stared at the warm drink... it'd be perfect for helping with her cough, and it was chocolate. Although the white bobbing marshmallow caught her eye.

"I know you don't like marshmallows, but I've gotten so used to putting them in that I'd done it without realising and I daren't remove it myself as I doubt you'd like me putting a claw in your cocoa. And looking for a spoon in that kitchen would take ages, the thing would be cold by then..."

"It's okay." She managed the first smile she had made all day. "Hot chocolate is the only time I actually like marshmallows."

The drink was hot, not too hot but definitely hot enough to remove the chill from her body, doing wonders for her cough. Fervo turned to the window as she sipped from the cup.

"Couldn't let you be in here all by yourself. Besides, snow isn't my thing anyway. Probably because that lot'd gang up on me, not that I don't deserve it." He laughed to himself. "But I'm a grass type, snow isn't my thing. Sure, Jack is managing it, but he's not entirely sober."

"Is he ever completely sober?" Pika managed a tiny laugh, having to put down the cup as a choking cough started up, she fought it back down in shock as a green paw patted her shoulder.

"I used to have a friend, a Pichu, when I was a kid. He was orphaned by a Persian, has his face tore up in the process... whenever winter came, he was stuck in a warm nest while me and Jack were out in the snow. I was a kit back then, so I never really thought about it much. But, as I grew up, I got to thinking what it had to be like being trapped inside because it hurt too much to even touch the snow. To even see it... Maybe he had it better than you did; he was too young when the injury happened, he'd never played in the snow before. But even then, being alone while everyone else is having fun had to hurt him. I remembered the days after the snow had melted, when he was able to go outside, the look of longing he would always have. The empty gaze when he thought about what he missed." Fervo turned back to the window. "The year before I left, when winter came, I stayed with him. He insisted I didn't have to, but I could see it made a difference. Sure, he might have missed the snow, but he wasn't alone. When the snow melted, that look of longing didn't come. He just smiled." The Treecko seemed to return the gesture to the memory as he finished. "I remember that day. Because he evolved right then, he became a Pikachu. And the first thing he said afterwards. 'Thank you.'"

Pika tried to make sense of the story she'd just been told. She would never have thought Fervo being the type to do something like that. She almost felt sick at herself for thinking him only a degenerate pervert who deserved to be beaten.

"I didn't do it out of pity, I want you to know," the Treecko added after a few minutes silence, as though he expected her to go down that train of thought... then again, he had no reason to think otherwise, any other time he said anything she would always think it was an insult or a crude remark or something worth being beaten for. "I did pity him, yes, but that was not why I did what I did. I stayed with him because he was a friend. And no friend deserves to be abandoned, no one deserves to be left alone." Then that familiar smirk surfaced. "Although, technically, you aren't alone in here, Mewtwo's hidden up in the attic somewhere. That's worse than being on your own, stuck with him."

"Fervo, I'm sorry." Pika had to fight to stop her paws shaking as she said something she never thought she would. "I'm sorry for thinking you were nothing more than a pervert."

"I am a pervert. I'm just a pervert with a heart. And, I'm a lot smarter than I was back then, I think I can do better than merely keeping you company."

Pika blinked, trying to figure out what he meant by that. Considering what he had just said, she doubted it was anything indecent, so she just nodded and let the Treecko lead her through the empty mansion.Well, after polising off those biscuits, of course. Past the kitchens, the dining room, past the lower set of bedrooms, past the stairs, she didn't have a clue what was going on, right up untill he stopped before a door and pushed it open. A boiler room, the third one. The one that heated the west wing of the building, and the heating devive was running at its highest temperature at that. She felt hot, whereas Fervo looked even more uncomfortable, yet he shrugged it off and yanked down a long strip of a light orange cloth from one of the heated pipes.

"I rigged this up last night, when the snow was starting to fall," he grinned as he walked over to the Pikachu, who finally realised what the fabric was.

A scarf, one that he wrapped around her shoulders so it kept her cheeks and throat warm. Then he grinned and turned away, taking her paw and leading her over to another door. Placing his paw on the handle, he didn't even hesitate and opened it, revealing the white coated garden. Before she could resist, he pulled her out into the open air, the heated scarf actually managing to bite back the chill and prevent a coughing fit. She barely even felt the cold at all.

"You've got half an hour or so before that cools down enough that you'll need to go inside," the Treecko smirked, "and I made sure the others wouldn't target you with their snowball fight, so you'll be fine." He paused, glancing along to where the fight was still going strong, "Well, Kirlia might try something, but I can assure you he won't try it twice."

"Fervo..." she was speechless, partly through shock and partly because of the scarf being practically blocking her mouth. She was supposed to be in pain, instead he'd come up with a way for her to venture outside, to feel the layer of snow beneath her feet... The only words that came to mind where those of his old friend. "Thank you."

"You know, that friend of mine, he also gave me a kiss," the Treecko smirked, Pika just stared at him in silence for a few seconds before she returned the smirk. She knew now that he was merely joking, he wasn't doing all that solely to get something in return. So she merely replied, "Don't push your luck."

But, nevertheless, she leant forwards and gave him a tiny little peck on the cheek. After all, just this once, he deserved it.


	7. Sister of Rattwo

Yes, I finally updated this silly thing. And, yes, we're finally getting somewhere with the Rattwo Arc, this is pretty much the end of the set-up, the next part will pile on the silly, and probably break a few people's brains.

Still, I got this finished, at last, and can now go forget all about this for another month or so while I get to work on ToF and Worlds Apart and the like.

Oh, and somehow I made Mewtwo funny. No idea how that happened.

**Not-Quite-Drunken-Silly - Part Seven: Sister of Rattwo**

Mewtwo had managed to avoid his would-be-captor, managing to use his new form's small size to squeeze into a small opening in the grill of an air vent. Thanks to the steel walls surrounding him, even the Espeon's psychic abilities could not track his position, and she walked straight past, growling under her breath. The newfound-Rattata had to resist the urge to breathe a sigh of relief, in the small confined space, the sound would echo and could give away his position. He counted the seconds in his head, until five minutes had gone by with no sign of the Espeon coming back, the coast was clear.

So the Rattata slowly inched himself forwards, keeping his nose and ears alert for any sign of trouble, as he pushed himself back through the hole in the grill and back into the corridoor. There was a loud bang from behind, causing him to unconsciously let out a tiny squeek as he spun, seeing a door slamming shut. He closed his eyes, cursing his panicky-instincts for over-reacting. Unfortunately, with his eyes closed, he couldn't see the shadow begining to enveloping him, only realising something was wrong as the trap was sprung.

By the time he reacted, he was plunged into darkness, running headlong into the side of his makeshift cage in the urge to flee. Nursing a sore nose, he glanced around and figured out he was inside one of the clothing hampers, the devices Humans used to store dirty clothing for washing. Then he had to fight back the urge to groan, over the already strong instinct to panic, as a familiar telepathic voice sounded out from outside his prison.

"_Caught you._" Mewtwo could almost see Evetwo grinning.

Of course, there was one simple problem, Eve now had to get him back to her room without losing him back down the airvents. Now, normally she'd just grab him with telekinesis, but she had trouble grabbing something she couldn't see, and the moment she lifted the hamper, he'd be in that air vent and gone. But, if she didn't lift it, she'd never be able to get a hold of him, and there was nothing close by to shove under the hamper to provide a makeshift floor for the Rattata's prison. And she couldn't leave it, he'd tip it over or something and escape.

"_This is going to be tricky..._"

Of course, then Grovyle stepped up behind her, eyeing the hamper as he drummed his 'fingers' on the hilt of his sword.

"You know, the small rodent Pokemon have this instinct where they freeze up completely for a few minutes if something startles them enough," he said after a few seconds, glancing across at her.

"_So we scare him and he won't move when I take this off of him?_"

"It'll slow him down a fair whack, yeah, give you more than enough time to get ahold of him."

"_But how do we scare him when he's in there and we can't lift the hamper up?_" Eve asked, getting only a smirk in reply as Grovyle walked around the hamper, stopping on the opposite side to her.

It was only then that Eve noticed that his paw was around the rapier's hilt, pulling it out in the time it took her to react. By the time she'd focused enough to try to stop him, the blade was already shooting down, straight through the top of the hamper, impaling it until the weapon could go no further. Of course, as Eve went to blast the grass type, the feeling of a much more familiar blade resting on her shoulder stopped her cold. Scyther stood right behind her, watching the two with a critical eye.

"_Scyther?!_" She couldn't believe that the bug was part of... of this absurd murder!

"Mewtwo has not been harmed. Grovyle's weapon was too short to penetrate deep enough to harm Mewtwo." The bug spoke, while the caretaker grinned, taking a hold of the sides of the hamper.

"Couldn't warn you, he'd have heard and been ready for it," he chuckled, yanking the basket up and revealing a very paralysed Rattata, who's fur was sticking up in sheer fright. Eve was torn between laughing and breathing a sigh of relief, instead she settled for reaching down and picking up her transformed brother by the back of the neck, the touch finally bringing him back to life.

"Put me down." He growled, although it was more a high pitched squeak, as his body shook from the earlier fright, and nothing he could do would stop it.

"_You'd run off again._" Eve wasn't stupid, even if the one ribbon Grovyle had missed said differently, the bright red bow dangling from a single magneta lock...

"No I would not." Mewtwo hated having to lie, but if it would get her to place him back upon the ground-

"_Uh huh-_" Eve paused for thought, before spotting movement out of the corner of her eye, "_hey Spiral-_" Mewtwo's shaking went into overdrive, Eve noticed, as she walked past the grumbling Espeon, a thought coming to her. "_Okay, Mewtwo, I'm going to put you down now._" With that homocidal feline?! Evetwo sure picked a fine time to start listening to him.

"No, I believe I would prefer to stay here. It would make climbing the stairs to the attic much easier."

"_Whatever you say, Mewtwo..._" Could her tone get anymore condencing, it was like she was talking to a child, and Mewtwo was certainly no child...

Of course, as she reached the attic, a problem presented itself; namely, that of her broken door. She couldn't stay in her room, Mewtwo'd just escape again.

"It's a little late to be refitting a door, so you'll have to wait until morning," Grovyle spoke up, the Ratatta fighting the urge to smirk. Scyther destroying the door had actually proven useful not once, but twice, maybe the bug was not so useless after all.

"Miss Eve could always wait out the rest of the night in Mewtwo's room." Scyther then spoke up, removing any positive thoughts the Rattata was having about his usefulness. Mewtwo couldn't stop himself, his new body bristled at the thought of her entering his territory, which she seemed to notice.

"_Better than sitting out here._"

"No. I refuse to let you enter my domain." Mewtwo insisted, voice almost a growl.

"_You're not exactly in a position to boss me around at the moment,_" Evetwo countered, giving him a small shake to prove her point.

The door was unlocked, so she twisted the handle and entered a room she had never even seen the inside of before, gawping at the sight before her. Various books and tomes of all sizes filled the bedroom, Eve couldn't even see the carpet, having to kick books out of her path so she could step into the bedroom and close the door behind her.

"_Your room is a tip!_"

"That is one way to describe it, I would suppose," Mewtwo's jaw felt like it was going to shatter, it was clenched that tightly, "are you going to release me now?"

"_Once I find the key in this junk and lock the door so you can't run off again._"

"Where could I run too?" Mewtwo said, actually sounding sarcastic. Eve looking rather puzzled at the outburst, before settling on a reply.

"_You're a Rattata, you could live just about anywhere. And, knowing your personality, you'd hide in the sewers._"

Mewtwo was seriously considering trying to bite her hand at that point. In fact, the only reason he did not was because he was observing the Grovyle as he opened the door, removing a key from a ring of them in his pocket. The grass type threw it over to Evetwo.

"Got a key to every room in this mansion, just give it back tomorrow," the Grass type stated, leaving before Evetwo could reply, while Mewtwo thought about how he would remove that key from the caretaker's possession once he had reclaimed his usual body. Of course, by the time he figured out an appropriate method, Evetwo had already used the key and sealed the doorway shut. And, seeing as Mewtwo's window did not have the neccessary hinges that allowed it to be opened, he had lost his only escape route, something he would also have to remedy when the chance arrived.

Without his usual psychic abilities, and height, Mewtwo found himself feeling very vunerable, and he did not like that feeling, it was one he had usually strived to avoid but was now seemingly everywhere. It did not help that Evetwo was still holding onto him as she moved books from his desk to the floor, before staring at the object she revealed. The small black laptop, resting against the wooden table.

"_How come you get a computer and I don't?_"

"It is the one that used to be in the second living room, until it was replaced by the higher modal that is there now. I merely acquired this as it was suited for the purposes I require."

Eve ignored him, "_I've been bugging Mew for a computer for ages!_"

"Maybe Mew felt you were not responsible enough for such a device. I am inclined to agree with him."

Eve was sorely tempted to drop him in the waste-paper basket beside the desk, but decided against it when she realised there was actually paper in there that would cushion his fall. So instead she placed him on the desk, seeing as his constant squirming was starting to get annoying, before flipping open the lid to the computer and pressing the power button.

"You are not allowed to use my computer."

"_Why not? It's gotta have pinball on it, and I fancy a game of pinball._"

Mewtwo cursed, he had neglected to remove such trivial games, partially because he did not want to risk losing Freecell in the process. That had proven to be an ideal distraction when the other inhabitants of the mansion were rioting amongst themselves. Then his eyes seemed to brighten, Evetwo would have to get through the password to access anything on the computer, and Mewtwo had not written it down anywhere, so she couldn't just stumble across it. She grumbled to herself as said password screen came up, before she looked over at him.

"_What is it?_" Eve asked, expecting the reply before Mewtwo had even opened his mouth to speak.

"I am not telling you." The obvious reply, Mewtwo was so predictable sometimes...

"_You've forgotten it, haven't you?_" She raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to take the bait.

"No I have not," Mewtwo practically growled, his fur bristling, while Eve just grinned, there it was, brought to the forefront of his mind by her prodding.

"_Bingo._" And it was only then that Mewtwo noticed that tingling sensation at the back of his mind, the telltail sign of a psychic reading, finally realising she had stolen it straight from his head.

Mewtwo did not like having his mind read, he did not like having the female accessing his possessions and he most certainly did not like being completely unable to stop her- he paused, as Eve was typing in the password, maybe there was a way to stop her. As her digit hovered over the enter key, he moved, springing foward and landing on the keyboard, throwing up several random characters that completely messed up whatever she had entered. And, on top of that, he twisted his head, opened his mouth, and did something stupid.

As she let out a rather loud whimper at the sensation of teeth in her finger, Mewtwo had to wonder why he hadn't tried it earlier. He found out why when he was hauled into the air and off of her finger by her telepathy as she threw open a desk drawer, tossed him inside, and slammed it shut, sealing him in darkness. The action of slamming the drawer meant that Mewtwo's paws could not find purchase on the floor, sending him skidding forwards and crashing into the drawer's front. If he could see, Mewtwo was fairly certain his vision would have been blurry or spinning like crazy from what he had to assume was a minor concussion.

Of course, he had to stop thinking as his head was hurting too much, and he could not even use Recover to stop it, because his stupid rat form could not use the technique. Mewtwo felt very inclined towards mass swearing at that point, something that proved to him that he had been forced to endure the lizards downstairs way too much... But, before he could indulge in some mindless cussing, something stopped him. He felt a cool breeze, which was impossible, he was in a drawer, there could be no draught, unless there was a means to escape!

He turned, eager to get out of the confining darkness, and came face to face with glowing, brown eyes. Very familiar, glowing, brown eyes. Brown eyes that looked much like his own used to be. Brown eyes attached to something with sharp looking, white teeth.

"_Hello._"

He couldn't help it, there was no way to stop his instincts, Mewtwo screamed.


	8. Babysitting

Okay, I'll warn you straight from the start, this chapter has cute in. But not '_aww_' kind of cute. Cute that'll make any sane-minded person go fetal in the corner, fearing for their mind and soul. So most of you will be fine, but I'm just warning the few of you at risk of cute-induced-seizures. And I'm not joking, either.

On the flip side, I finally got to debut a little character that showed in the old RPs me and Aeris used to do to goof off and avoid having to actually do anything. You'll know her when you see her. Still, this is the last set-up chapter, now the real fun can begin, when my brain recovers from this...

**Not-Quite-Drunken-Silly - Part Eight: Babysitting**

Eve was so surprised by the sudden manic scrambling and muffled screams coming from inside the desk drawer that she lost her game of pinball. Not that it mattered, she would have to have been playing for hours before she had a chance of beating even the lowest of Mew's ungodly highscores. Of course, before she could muse over the fact that her 'brother' had too much time on his paws, she had to deal with Mewtwo. The constant panicked noises were so unlike him, it was starting to freak her out slightly. The fur on her back and shoulders spiked up a little as she reached for the drawer, tensing her arm, focusing on the handle.

She yanked it out as far as she could, the Rattata inside falling free and rocketing under the bed, a terrified bundle of purple fluff... and then, Eve saw what had scared him so, her own eyes widening as they met those same brown orbs. The other occupant of the drawer uncurled, the purple tail hanging free as he sat up, stretching slender white arms and arching his back in a rather feline manner. Eve stared further, not quite believing what she was seeing. The pure white fur, the wide brown eyes that looked back up at her, the rather amused smile that should look alien on the creature's face, but somehow seemed to fit. What was going on?!

"_Hello._" The young-looking Mewtwo piped up. He was about the size of a small human child, his three-fingered hands resting in his lap as he smiled.

"_Uh... hi_," Eve's mind was going around in circles; trying- no, needing to figure out what was going on. "_W-what are you?_"

"_Well,_" the telepathic voice sounded amused as those bright brown eyes blinked up at her, "_what do I look like?_"

"_...Mewtwo... a child Mewtwo..._" A child Mewtwo that, somehow, was cute... That was more shocking to Eve than the fact the creature had been in hiding in a drawer.

"_The answer you were looking for is 'a small, cute feline that happens to be related to you,'"_ the child-clone smiled wider, revealing the tips of white fangs as he did so.

Eve's brain would have gotten the answer at that, but it was currently occupied with fighting the almost-overwhelming instinct to make some sort of noise or movement towards the cute thing. She would not squee or hug while Mewtwo was present, no way in hell. And, speaking of Mewtwo, he had finally found the courage to venture back out from under the bed and was staring at the smaller feline with disdain.

"Mew, you had better have a good reason for why you are possessing that form."

"_I was bored, Celebi mentioned that you didn't have any baby pictures._" Mew shrugged again, getting to his feet before climbing onto the desk proper, smiling even wider at the sight of Eve's purplexed gaze. "_Yes. He did actually look like this once._"

"_I would never have known..._" she practically mumbled, aware of the scowl on Mewtwo's face as he glared at her with such intensity that Mew was amazed when she didn't die or catch fire.

"You will revert back from that form, at once," the Rattata ordered, while the 'Mewtwo' simply raised an eyebrow. Eve was really having to fight the urge to start laughing.

"_I would if I could._"

"What is that supposed to mean, you are a shapeshifter, you are easily capable of transform-" Rattwo paused, realisation finally kicking in. "You are stuck in that form."

"_Much like you are stuck in that one. Yup. On the Plusle side, that means that this little problem wasn't what I originally thought it was, so we don't need to interrupt Jir's vacation time._"

"So it is easily cured." Mewtwo felt tempted to breathe a sigh of relief. Of course, that sigh was snatched away as Mew continued 'speaking'

"_Well, easy in that we don't have to do anything bar wait a couple of days. It's this bug that pops up every couple of hundred years, manages to bypass my immune system and screw up Transform. Give it a week or so, and our system'll stabalise and we can just turn back to normal._"

A week?! Mewtwo stared up at the psychic that had stolen his form, stared, that's all he could think to do. A week, stuck as a Rattata, with Evetwo? Impossible. Evidently, judging by the look on horror on her face, the female was thinking the same thing.

"_I have to put up with __him__ for a week?_" Eve stammered, pointing at the Rattwo, who was in the midst of scrambling up the bedsheets, attempting to get some height so his neck wouldn't hurt when he glared at Mew.

"You have to put up with both of them." Another voice piped up as there was the flash of teleportation, Celebi appearing on the bed, the fairy looking rather tired. His antenna were limp against his head, his wings barely twitching. Although, judging by the smell, Mewtwo figured that 'hungover' was a more fitting term. "Mew's got the power of an Abra at the moment, which isn't exactly much, the others'd have a field day. And fur is rather flammable."

Eve stared at the fairy, before slowly turned her gaze back to the brown eyes of her new charge. Who shrugged again, while Rattwo was looking decidedly tempted to bite the fairy and face the consequences later. He backed up slightly as Eve glared at him, although that was mainly because she had picked up a fairly hefty book and looked about ready to chuck it at him. The pointy teeth she was showing probably didn't help any. Then Eve almost dropped the book at a very weird sound... a very alien sound. She turned back to Mew. Who, still in the form of a young Mewtwo, was laughing.

Mewtwo could laugh?!

---

Squirt was sitting in the living room, watching a rather frustrated Charmander pacing backwards and forwards. And the Wartortle could not blame him for being frustrated, Flame had tried just about everything he could think of to stop the crying. And, after five minutes, was still no closer to blissful silence. However, the difference between the two males was that Squirt was still trying to figure out what was wrong, while Flame was having to fight down the urge to kill the source of the noise.

"Argh, what do you want from me?!" He snapped, spinning on the tiny lizard, who just stared at him with her large bright-blue eyes still damp with tears.

For a few seconds, there was no noise, there was blessed silence... then the kit started crying again. Flame's eyes narrowed, claws flexing, and Squirt was about to snatch the kit away before she got strangled, but the 'adult' Charmander managed to restrain his temper enough to just return to freaking out. He ran over to a wall, pulled back his head and the little orange lizard's crying stopped as she watched Flame slam his head against the rather solid barrier. There was a loud crunch, the plaster actually cracking slightly under the blow, as Flame staggered back, clutching his forehead.

"Feel better now?" Squirt asked as his friend looked up, gave a minute nod, before collapsing to the floor.

The kit was finding this insanely funny and was giggling away, her crying fit stopped in its tracks. The turtle sighed at that, reaching over to pull the child back before she fell off the sofa as she leaned forwards to watch Flame twitching as he lay on the floor.

"She gets her sense of humour from her mother," Squirt stated as Flame pushed himself back to his feet, brushing himself off, which was a rather odd act for the lizard with an unnatural fondness of dirt.

"As long as she doesn't get Scarlet's temper." Flame replied, rubbing the sore spot on his forehead while the kit giggled at him, "I don't think I could handle two of them."

"I don't think the planet could handle two of them. So, you thought of a name yet?"

"Well, it'd be a bad idea for me to come up with one if Scarlet's still zonked..." The Charmander drew silent with a shrug, moving over and sitting himself on the sofa, the smaller fire lizard climbing onto his lap and cuddling up to his chest.

"In otherwords, she threatened to kill you if you so much as dared name your daughter without her consent."

"Those weren't the words she used but, yeah, pretty much. So I'm just gonna call her Kit until Scarlet's a little saner."

"...So sometime in the next few decades, then."

Flame glanced down at the child, who had finally fallen asleep. She was small, small enough that her body could generate enough heat without requiring a tail flame. Her bright orange scales shone in the electric lights, her tiny claws clutched her lithe tail to her snout as she slept. She was out cold, enough so that he could easily lift her and place her on a nearby cushion, where she would be more comfortable. Hell, she was sleeping so soundly that she didn't even stir when the door swung open and Fervo stepped inside.

The Treecko was looking rather pleased with himself. After all, it was not everynight that he got to walk home with a rather cute girl. It would have gone better if they hadn't been 'walking' a drunken Kirlia, and said Kirlia hadn't groped the Bellossom, but Fervo was sure the bruises would be gone long before the psychic's hangover faded. Still, it was not that bad a night, his smile didn't fade until he saw the three reptiles. Or, more specifically, until he saw the smallest of the three, still sleeping soundly.

Squirt was tempted to laugh as the Treecko's grin suddenly switched with one of sheer shock, then slowly changed to confusion as the grass type looked between Kit and Flame, trying to process what he was seeing. Then confusion turned to horror; Flame growling at the expression that was directed at his daughter, before looking ready to kill the Treecko as Fervo finally spoke up.

"You have spawn!"

Squirt decided to pick up the sleeping Charmander and head into the kitchen, just so she could not wake and see her father beating the hell out of Fervo. She didn't need to be getting ideas anytime soon. Of course, with the way she was nibbling on Squirt's paw as she dozed, the turtle was having to fight back the urge to curse as well. Those teeth were sharp, like tiny needles. And no one liked being stabbed with lots of needles, no matter how tiny.

"You're a biter..." he told the child, who made some rather bazare noise, like a cross between a sigh and a giggle, in her sleep as a reply. Squirt sighed again. "You are going to be one messed up kit, you know that?"

He presumed she did, seeing as she did not reply.

---

Eve pulled her quilt tighter around her, having had to fetch it seeing as Mewtwo's one seemed rather scorched. The fact he had possessed a bedsheet at all was amazing in her mind, but she did not fancy sleeping with a sheet that still had a burnt scent to it. Mewtwo himself was curled up on the desk, having made his bed on his old cloak, that she had also taken from her room. He was already asleep, no doubt tired after all the running from Spiral, and arguing with Mew. And, speaking of Mew, he had made a small bed in the corner of the room with her down comforter. Which he was supposed to be sleeping in... Eve frowned at the persistant prodding of her shoulder.

"_Mew, go to sleep._" She grumbled, pulling the quilt around her tighter and shut her eyes tight, trying to blank out the constant poking

"_I can't..._" Was he whimpering? Eve's tail was tempted to give her brother a crack around the head and she wasn't sure she should let it, instead sighing as she sat up.

Turning to face her smaller brother, her tiredness faltered at the sight of his wide, scared eyes. "_Mew?_"

"_I can't sleep..._" he repeated, almost mumbling, sounding rather embarrassed, "_I don't like the dark..._"

"_You what?!_" Eve stared, now her shock at his acts was replaced by shock at what he was afraid of. He winced at her words, fidgeting her stare.

"_I'm afraid... can I sleep with you?_"

Eve blinked, those words were familiar. She distinctly remembered saying those exact same words to her older brother _back then_, one night... for the exact same reason. Kyle had tried to reason with her, with Kathryn, telling her that she would have to face that fear if she ever hoped to conquer it. He had failed, dismally. So Eve threw that argument straight out of the window, instead settling on one that seemed much more appropriate.

"_You're a feline, you can see in the dark, how can you be afraid of it?_" She asked, Mew wincing again, it was so weird watching what was essentially Mewtwo's form going through fear, especially the childish fear of the dark.

"_You know fire and ice..._" Mew muttered, causing Eve to blink, what did her elemental abilities have to do with anything? "_Yet you're still afraid of bugs._"

"_I-I'm not afraid of bugs..._" She stammered, not quite sure how to respond to the accusation. Damn Mew and his retorts, for someone who was becoming more and more child-like by the minute, that little trait hadn't faded any.

"_You are._" Mew wasn't looking smug as he 'spoke', which was odd, maybe he really was afraid of the dark...

"_I am not. I-I just think they are icky!_"

Eve paused after saying that, finally hearing the sounds of someone outside the door. Unfortunately, even though the bed was on the opposite side of the room to the door, her telepathy meant that it, and the wall itself, mattered not. Whoever was there would have heard. And, if her luck was any indication-

"This is the last time Scyther decides to check up on Miss Eve..." came the words from the person outside that made Eve wince. Great, she'd just gone and insulted the only person in the entire house who would willingly help her out without getting all smug or uppity. And said Pokemon happened to have blades for arms...

"_Not you, I like you, I don't like the squishy ones!_" She had to save this, she did not want to deal with a pissed Scyther. No one wanted to deal with a pissed off Scyther.

"Goodnight, Miss Eve," the tone was flat and her ears picked up the footsteps as he walked away.

"_Crap._"

She blinked, usually Mew would have told her not to swear by that point, and yet there was nothing. Nothing but the ruffling of her quilt. She looked down just in time to see his tail vanish under it. "_Mew, get out of the bed! You are not sharing it with me!_"

"_But..._" his whimpering came from somewhere near her middle, "_I'm afraid..._"

"_Go sleep near Mewtwo._"

"_He'll bite me again._" Mew muttered. Which was probably not too far off the mark, that Rattata was not being too kind towards either of the psychics. Ugh, Eve was not in the mood for this. She was tired and just wanted to get some sleep. So she just flopped back down, resting her head on the pillow.

"_Wake me up and you are dead._" She grumbled, feeling him settle against her side, his tail actually poking out the edge of the quilt and dangling off the bed.

"_Thank you..._" she thought she heard a yawn, moving the quilt slightly so he wouldn't suffocate, "_big sister..._"

Eve was so confused by those last words that she didn't even notice herself falling into a dreamless slumber. She didn't even notice as Mew shifted in his own rest, using her stomach as a pillow, or the red eyes as Mewtwo glared at the two of them, especially Mew. Something would have to be done in the morning, the Rattwo thought with a small yawn of his own, but he would not be able to think up a proper course of action without rest. So he curled himself up further, resting his head on his deft white paws and let himself drift away.


	9. Special 2: Mindfuckery 101

The title of this says it all really. I'll save my usual pre-post rant for post-post, so I don't risk spoiling this... although, to be fair, if you don't see where this is coming from, you need to be shot. After me, naturally.

**Not-Quite-Drunken-Silly **_(Although I wish it was... because then I could blame alchohol)_

**The Second Special: Mindfuckery 101 (point three... and a half)**

It wasn't often Blacky went into the canyon, there wasn't much there that appealed to the small Eevee kit. But, nevertheless, he found himself walking down the opening between the great rock cliffs. The Charmander in front of him, his uncle, had been rather vague about why they were there, but Blacky went along anyway, assured repeatedly that it would be worth it. So he went along with it, after all, there had to be a good reason for leaving home and coming to an abandoned gorge.

The orange lizard was headed for a large rock resting in the middle of the canyon, propped up against a lone small tree. Blacky moved around him, leaping onto the platform and trying to read his Uncle's eyes. There was a faint glimmer of something he couldn't read, but that was soon buried under his amusment.

"Uncle Flametooth, why are we here?" He tilted his head, watching as the lizard folded his eyes, smirking slightly as though hiding a secret.

"If I told you, it would spoil your father's surprise."

"If you tell me, I'll still act surprised!"

"Oh no, no, that wouldn't do." Flametooth pulled back, placing a paw over his chest in mock shock, "I couldn't."

"Please?"

"Nope. It's between you and daddy, I can't interferre." The smirk widened slightly, revealing the tip of a pointed fang.

"Aww..." Blacky's ears drooped slightly.

"You wait here, on this rock, and I'll go get him, 'kay?"

"...Okay."

"Won't be long, kid."

He turned and started to walk off, stopping only after the kit called after him.

"Will I like the surprise?"

"Oh, Blacky," Flametooth glanced over his shoulder for a moment, his tail flame crackling and reflecting in his shining eyes, "it'll be to die for."

---

Up above the crevice, a herd of Stantler and Tauros grazed on the grassy plains, some of the younger ones playing or sunning themselves, all completely unaware of what watched them from in the shadows of a few boulders.

"Ugh," Alpha groaned, watching the herd with a piecing gaze, his eyes glazed over slightly, "I'm so hungry... can't we just pick off one?"

"No!" The Espeon beside him growled, smacking him over the head with her paw.

"Come on, Esteria, can't we just take down one of the older, sick ones?"

"No we cannot," she ordered, eyes flashing for a moment as she glared at the dusty Ninetails, "we wait for the signal from Flametooth."

The Poochyena beside the two made a small growling sound, staring up towards another outcropping on the other side of the canyon. There, the telltale flicker of a tail flame. Esteria smiled, twin tails hissing through the air with a whiplike crack.

"We're up." Her eyes glowed purple, piercing the shadows with their sinister aura.

"About time," Alpha sighed, his nine tails fanning out behind him as he took aim, spheres of blue fire forming on his tailtips.

The Stantler didn't see it coming. Seemingly out of no where, nine Will-O-Wisp blasted through the air, racing straight for the herd even as a psybeam fired itself at them, while a small dark type raced for the closest Tauros, his howl filling the air, echoed by several more as other creatures came out of the shadows, Arcanines, Ninetails, Mightyena, they all bore down on the ambushed herd, who reacted just like Flametooth wanted them to. They fled into the gorge with the pack snapping at their heels.

---

"Bored... bored... bored..." Blacky muttered, flopped down on the rock, "what's taking Flametooth so long?" There was nothing to do, he was beginning to wonder if he should have asked if Eevee could have come too, at least then he could talk and play with her... but, no, he had to stay where he was or he wouldn't get his surprise. His ears flicked up as a Kelcon phased into view, climbing down from its hiding place in the tree. Watching it go by, not even giving him a glance, gave Blacky an idea. He pushed himself upright, tried to look as imposing as he could, suck in a breath and...

"Rawr!"

The lizard didn't even react, so Blacky tried again. Still nothing, it just kept walking off. He narrowed his eyes, focused, sucked in a third breath... and this time his roar echoed off the canyon walls, loud and fierce, the Kelcon's eyes widened and it shot for the rock wall, turning invisible as it started climbing. Blacky cheered to himself, before pausing, cocking his ears. The echo was still there, it should have stopped... he noticed a round pebble rolling along the ground, as though propelled with some strange force, following it with his eyes. He spotted the movement out of the corner of his eye, his ears finally picking up the real cause of the echo, causing him to look up.

His eyes widened, he spluttered for air, fur spiking up at the sight of an entire herd racing down the canyon's entrance, straight at him. His shock was so great it was a few seconds before he reacted, giving the herd that little extra time to stampede closer. Blacky gulped, turned away, and ran like all hell was after him, feeling their thunderous hooves pounding the stone ground, gaining closer and closer... And then they were on him.

---

"Sire," the brown feathered bird perched on a rock spoke up, looking out over the great plains. Flame rolled his eyes, brushing down his front.

"Scout, we've been over this, use my name. Not sire, not sarge, or any other stupid nickname."

"The herd are on the move."

"Hmm?" The Charmander looked back, noticing the massive dust kicked up in the great herd's wake, "that's odd..."

"Sire!" Another voice piped up, Flametooth pulling himself up the clan's rock and staring up at his brother, oddly urgent in his tone...

"Okay, yes, your name is similar to mine, but you don't have to call me that either."

"Stampede!" The other lizard panted for breath... "in the gorge..."

"I can see that from here."

"Blacky's down there!"

Flame stopped in his tracks, staring down at his brother, before his eyes widened as his gaze rose to the stampede's dust. "What!?"

"We have to get down there!" The Pidgey piped up, getting a glare from both Charmander, Flame venting smoke in his agitation as he practically vaulted off of 'Pride Rock' with Scout and Flametooth on his tail the entire time. Instead of heading towards the plains, Flame was heading for a small cavern. He was going for a shortcut.

Mew looked up from his painting as a fireball practically incinerated the vines that acted as his door, he would have reacted further had that not been a common occurence... Although, it was rare that he saw Flame ready to slaughter, and even rarer to see him with fear in his eyes.

"Yes?"

"Teleport us to the canyon, now!" He growled.

"Why?" Mew did like to know the reasons for why he should waste valuble energy teleporting people around the place.

"Now!" Flame grabbed the psychic, hauling him into the air, "right this instant; Or I will sodomize you with your shamen stick!"

It was a good enough reason for Mew, he glowed pink for a second before a glowing portal formed in the air, showing the rocky crevice. Flame took one glance before dropping the cat, racing through the window, the warped hole in reality rippling like water as he passed through. Scout bowed apolegically before flying through after, Flametooth last.

"Find Scarlet, tell her that Blacky's trapped in a stampede." He muttered, before the window closed, the fur on Mew's shoulders spiking up in a sudden sense of dread...

And Mew had never been wrong yet... But there was always a first time. As he flew out his door, trying to pinpoint Scarlet's aura, he was hoping that this would be that first time.

---

Blacky had to fight to stop himself screaming, darting left and right, almost completely randomly, hooves slamming into the stone all around him. The noise, the dust, the blind panic, he couldn't think, he didn't know what to do... he could only run, run and pray that his father wouldn't be long... Then, a tree! he shot forwards, narrowly avoiding a Stantler landing on him as it fell, leaping up onto the bark. Now he was safe from being trampled, but the shockwaves from the stampede were shaking the deadwood, he wrapped his paws around it and held on like his life depended on it. And, if the horns of the animals just passing beneath him were any indication, it probably was.

Scout flew through the canyon, his eyes straining to see through the dust, but he was able to spot the white patches of fur on the Eevee as he was bucked around on the tree, shooting through the murky dustscreen. "Blacky!"

"Scout!" He practically screamed, almost losing his grip as the deadwood shook, having to scramble to keep his grip, "help me!"

"Hold on, your father is on his way!" Scout turned back, shooting back up the cliff-face, aiming for the twin flickering fires of the Charmander as they skidded down onto a ledge just above the dust storm.

Flame's eyes widened at the sight of the stampede, it was massive... it was like every damn Stantler and Tauros were pouring through the canyon, and Blacky was somewhere in there!

"Sire," Scout slowed to a hover, guesturing with a wing, "there, on that tree!"

"Blacky!" Flame spotted the kit, now hanging solely from his forepaws, struggling to prevent himself from falling... there was no sign of the stampede ending anytime soon, there was no time to wait...

The Charmander leapt off the ledge, sliding down the rockface, leaping into the stampede with naught a second thought, racing up the stream of hooves and horns, straight for that single kit. Flametooth watched, his expression guarded and impassive, while Scout flustered.

"We have to do something!" The Pidgey squawked, hovering next to the Charmander, "I know, help! I'll go get help!" He turned away, to shoot up above the canyon and back for Pride Rock. Unfortunately, turning away meant that he didn't see Flametooth's claws take on a metallic glint before the Metal Claw swatted him out of the air, forcing him to collide with solid rock and fall to the ground. With that distraction taken care of, Flametooth returned to watching his cursed brother fighting through the stampede.

He was level with that tree, but those stupid Stantler were running between him and Blacky, there was no gap to get through. Flame swore at the top of his voice, but he couldn't be heard over the thunder of the massive herd's flight. So he took the only option he had, he ran even further forwards, spotting a gap and skidding through it, coming within inches of having his head split open by a hoof, but he was through, turned back and headed back for Blacky, he was right in front of Flame, dangling from that tree, only mere feet away...

Then a Stantler came out of no where and knocked Flame flying, the lizard vanishing back into the crowd. Blacky screamed out, especially as the deadwood's base started to crack and tilt him even closer to the horns of the herd. Dazed for only a moment, Flame growled as that piercing cry cut through the air. He had no chance of getting to Blacky, unless...

Flametooth paced back and forth along the ledge, cocking an eyescale at the sudden white light that burst out from somewhere in the stampede's mist. That was unexpected, he would never have thought Flame would ever do such a thing, but the newfound Charmeleon roared, streams of fire forcing a hole in the great crowd, letting him stand and pile straight back in, still fixated on that one tiny Eevee kit. Flametooth smirked, even as he noticed a Tauros running straight for the deadwood, on a collision course.

Blacky screamed again as the great creature hit, shattering the tree and flinging him up into the air. For one split second, the Eevee caught sight of his uncle's eyes glinting in the light of his tail flame, but then he started to fall, fall straight back into the stampede. The Eevee was pleasently surprised, almost escatic, when Flame managed to vault onto a Stantler's back, using the creature as a spring board to launch himself forwards, catching the kit in his arms and managing to land in a gap in the sea of horns and hooves.

"Dad!"

"Hold on..." He growled, setting off again, trying to spot a way out, they had to escape and fast, he didn't know how much longer his luck would last...

A Stantler slammed into his side as it tripped, forcing him to trip, throwing Blacky forwards and back onto the ground. The kit rolled to a halt, looking back for any sign of the fire lizard, anything, but all there was were Stantler, all racing towards him. One straight for him... Flame blasted one out of the way, scooping up Blacky and shooting off once more as another fell to be trampled by its comrades. If they fell, or delayed in escaping, there would be no mercy from the herd... he had to get them out, now.

There, up ahead, a ledge, out of reach of the herd, perfect! Flame took the shot, flinging himself forwards and managing to place Blacky in safe's way... However, as the Charmeleon was scrambling up himself, a Stantler's horns caught him in the side and knocked him back into the crowd.

"Dad!" Blacky screamed, his black eyes darting left and right, trying, trying as hard as he could, to find the sight of that tail flame, the sight of scales... anything... anything at all...

Flame roared as he flung himself back out of the stampede, Blacky's eyes widening even as the kit cheered, turning to climb to safety to meet his father at the top. The Charmeleon was pulling himself up a pure rockface, claws scrambling for grip. And, up on the ledge above, waiting, was Flametooth.

"Brother..." Flame panted, not quite able to make it up the smooth cliff-face, his claws slowly losing their grip and causing him to slide back down to the herd. "Help me!"

Flametooth's claws glinted their metalic glow once more as he reached down, Flame wincing at the vice-like grip, almost crushing his wrists as he stared up at his brother, not quite understanding the look in those eyes.

"Long live the king," Flametooth grinned, mocking the Charmeleon before pulling his brothers claws away from the rock, hurling him back to the stampede.

However, Flametooth was not expecting his brother to yank off the Nido-horn tied around his neck, while falling, and hurl it at him. The Charmander pulled his head back, but not fast enough to escape unscathed, the point managed to tear open his cheek, just miss his eye, and slice open the flesh above it. So, in the end, the final blow went in favour of Flame.

"Damnit, that's going to leave a mark..."

---

Just after the horn was thrown, Blacky heard the cursing, turning back just in time to see his father fall. His ears drooped, he pulled back his head, and he screamed, as loud as he could. A hollow, piercing howl, cutting through the noise of the waning stampede... As it slowed, he practically shot back down into the canyon, back into the dust storm, looking left, right, everywhere...

"Dad! Where are you?!" He yelled, there was no answer... and then... he spotted red scales. But no tail flame...

That was wrong... but it had to be only a little problem, like a cold... he padded closer, Flame didn't move...

"Dad? Please... get up..." nothing, no reply, or anything... "Dad... comeon..." he nudged the lizard, still nothing. Tears were starting to well up in his eyes now, "get up..."

And still Flame didn't move, not even his chest moving with a breath... everything was still. Blacky slumped to the floor, he couldn't find it in him to stand, all he could do was lay there, head resting against his fallen father's chest. He couldn't do anything else... maybe if he closed his eyes and dozed off, Flame would wake up...

He was so distracted he didn't notice as Flametooth approached, the Charmander leaning down and watching the tiny Eevee with that same smirk on his face that he had been using when he had led Blacky to the canyon.

"Oh dear, look at what you've done now..." he muttered, Blacky turning to look up at him with tears in his eyes.

"He w-won't wake up..."

"He's dead..." Flametooth had to bite back a chuckle as the Eevee sobbed, continuing instead, "and it's all your fault."

"W-what?"

"You were here, you couldn't get out on your own, daddy had to save you, and it cost him his life."

"B-but... I didn't..."

"What would your mother think? What would Nala think?" Flametooth prodded, using Blacky's pet name for his Eevee friend.

"I..." he fell silent, tears streaming down his face.

"Run, Blacky." The Charmander leant down, his nose practically touching that of his 'nephew' "run and never come back."

"But..."

"Run!"

Blacky turned and ran. He didn't know what else to do, it was his fault... he had no other choice. From the dust behind Flametooth, out stepped the Espeon, Ninetails and Poochyena. Flametooth folded his arms, not even looking back to acknowledge their presence before he spoke. Two words, all the orders the three needed.

"Kill him."

---

Blacky heard their familier calls as the three gave chase, glancing back only once to see blue fire shining through the dust storm, the sight giving him a little extra boost of speed. He had to get away... he had to, Flame wasn't able to save him anymore, he had to do it alone... Something inside of him seemed to give him yet more speed and stamina, slowing the three demons' advantage over him, they were not gaining as much ground as they wanted, Will-O-Wisp and Psybeams not landing anywhere close to him.

And then even as he skidded down a side path, skimming through the canyon away from where the herd had fled, hoping to get away that way, despite the Poochyena managing to follow him almost perfectly. He just kept running. Even as he saw the massive field of thorns up ahead, he was small, they were nothing. He shot down the path, under the layer of spikey thorns. And he never stopped.

Alpha skidded to a halt on the ledge leading to the thorns, there was no way in hell he'd be able to follow through that... then Esteria collided with his back, pushing him right to the edge. He closed his eyes, before Poochie hit, throwing him down into the thorns. And promptly found the whole thing funny, laughing his merry head off as Alpha yelled, leaping back onto not-pointy ground, tails filled with the damned plants.

"I should curse you!"

"The kid got away..." Esteria ignored the Ninetails, looking out over the fields, "but, if he comes back, he's dead."

"You better believe it..." Alpha grumbled, starting to pull out thorns from his first tail before turning to yell over the field, "You hear that, Blacky!? You come back, we'll kill ya'!"

---

Everyone was gathered on Pride Rock, having all heard the news... Even the normally recluse Scarlet was sitting there, watching the path up to their home, waiting... She stood at the sight of a tail flame, before noticing the lack of a second... Flametooth walked around the corner, wiping his eyes with a paw... and the other, clutching the Nidoran Horn...

"No." Scarlet muttered, "not possible."

"Flame is dead..." Flametooth looked about ready to breakdown, "He tried to get Blacky... they were trampled before I could get there."

"No!" Eevee, tears pouring from her eyes, yelled. Bhe couldn't believe that... Blacky couldn't be gone, no. It wasn't true, it had to be wrong. It just had to be.

"They're dead, both dead. I'm sorry, Scarlet," Flametooth gave a slight bow to the stunned lizard before turning to Eevee, "Nala... I'm so sorry."

"...Now what... we need a leader?" A Flareon piped up, even as she fought back her own tears.

"I-I am of royal bloodline, am I not?" Flametooth stuttered slightly, letting a tear roll down his cheek, "I shall take up my brother's mantle."

"Aye..." Scarlet muttered, "I couldn't do it without him... you're welcome to it."

"I shall." And, as he bowed, his mouth hidden behind his arms, Flametooth smiled. Perfect.

---

A flock of Spearow flew around a new appearence in their wasteland, a small brown and white furball lay on the baked ground, immobile. They had been watching it ever since it arrived, it had collapsed on the floor two hours earlier and hadn't moved since. Some of them flew closer, it was small, so it couldn't have lasted long.

They never expected a volley of seeds, and a jet of water, to come out of no where and knock those gutsy few away from the target. And that volley was followed by another, this time the jet of water propelling a rock that brained the closest buzzard.

"Go on, skit, you feathered gits!" A Treecko yelled, dashing towards them with a Wartortle right behind him. The Spearow fled, not prepared to deal with food that fought back, much less food that ambushed them.

"What is it, Jack?" The turtle spoke, looking down at the small bundle of fur.

"I have no idea..." Jack muttered as he walked around the curled up creature, finding what he hoped was its head and slowly pulling it away from where it was curled up against its stomach. He dropped it in shock, "gack, an Eevee!"

"...huh?" Blacky opened his eyes.

"Please don't eat me, eat him!" Jack pointed at his parter.

"Wha'?"

Five minutes later, Blacky set in the shade of a lone boulder, trying to explain what he was doing out in the wasteland. He couldn't go into details, he just couldn't bring himself to. "I... just left..."

"Outcasted huh?" Jack thought over it for a moment, "us too, me and Squirt here."

"You could stay with us," the turtle offered, until the Treecko grabbed him by the ear and tugged him away.

"Why would we want an Eevee?! They're dangerous," Jack muttered the moment they were out of earshot.

"But, if he's on our side, when he gets bigger..."

"If he's on our side, we'll have a fully grown Eon! Of course, I'm a genius!" Jack clapped his paws together, a grin on his face.

"Sure you are..." Squirt rolled his eyes as they walked back to Blacky.

"Okay, kid, yeah, you can stay with us." Jack insisted, ruffling the Eevee's ears as he did so.

"B-but... I'm an outcast... I have to stay away..."

"Hey, kid, lighten up a little." Jack sighed.

"Hakuna Matata." Squirt added.

"Hakuna what?" Blacky stared, not knowing the phrase, and was trying to figure out why those two were so weird...

"Hakuna Matata, it's our motto!" Jack grinned.

"It means 'no worries'" Squirt explained while Jack sucked in a breath of air... and started to sing.

"Hakuna Matata, what a wonderful phrase!"

---

_And I'll end it there._

"WHAT! I'm finally get my break in this crap and you stop there?!"

_Yes, yes I am._

_Anyway, Jack's pissy fit aside. Yeah, this scene was in my head and I had to get it out... and, Rizu, damn her cursed heart, decided to prod me and convince me to call it an NQDS special. Ah well, the whole ANI/Lion King thing started out innocently enough... when I brought up how Hakuna Matata would work as HC's theme song in place of the Beer Song she currently has up on the site._

_Then it sorta got worse from there._

_It really did._

_However, it has a redeeming feature. Which is quite simple. Imagine, with visuals and sound, Blacky singing "I can't wait to be king"_

_Now all the angsty shit I just wrote seems nice and happy._

_Hence why I saved this for the end._

_Anyway, the script is blatantly 'borrowed' and adapted from Disney's "The Lion King"_

_Obviously you all knew that after the second paragraph. I'm only saying that so I don't get sued by Disney. Not that they care, seeing as they suck now and all._

_Anyhoo, I doubt there'll be a 'sequal' to this, seeing as I expect to die for the gorge scene._

_Ah well, I had a good run._

_-Buwaro_


	10. Immaturity

One of these days I'll write something that's got funniness even close to the first NQDS... 'Course, that would require I not read Anomaly/Solitude beforehand.

I'm stupid like that. Ah well.

Anyway, I have a fair few whacky (possibly also funny) ideas now, so we really are at the funny part of this 'story arc' (if we can even top Mindfuckery 101... which wasn't even supposed to be funny)

Anyhoo... yeah, this took way too long to write. Laziness mostly. Although I had a fair chunk done when the Mindfuckery 101 idea came up and slaughtered what little sanity I had left... It's only really today I've recovered from the mental trauma.

**Not-Quite-Drunken-Silly - Part Ten: Immaturity.**

Mewtwo slowly opened his eyes, blinking to clear them of sleep as sunlight filtered through the dusty window. For one blessed moment, he was still riding that line between awake and asleep and could believe that he was back to normal. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Looking down at his white paws, although he supposed the tips were more like tiny claws, he fought back a frown, only because his jaw was not quite suited for such an emotion and he did not need an ache, especially if he would have to endure his 'siblings' for a while...

Looking up, his war against the frown was instantly resolved, Mewtwo surrendered, the grimance turning into a fully fledged snarl at the sight of the two using _his_ bed... Evetwo was almost pressed up against the wall, laying on her front and her tail streaming down behind her, poking out the bottom of the quilt, lazily swaying in her dreams. But she, for once, was not the cause of Mewtwo's aggrivation. Well, not the main cause. That 'honour' was given solely to the other psychic feline in the room, also sound asleep.

Mewtwo's jaw was clenched so tightly that he was surprised his teeth or jaw had not shattered at the sight of Mew, with the quilt draped over his middle, curled up against Evetwo's side. He was using her stomach as a pillow, tail dangling off the side of the bed as he shifted slightly in sleep. Mewtwo felt what was going to turn into a lovely headache forming at the sight of what was supposed to be _his_ body being abused in such a fashion. His own form seemed to be shaking slightly, either from cold or barely supressed rage, he was not sure which. And he didn't particually care, he needed to have a word with Mew, voice his displeasures and get the Legendary to see sense and figure out a way to fix this whole thing fast.

Because, Mew never told the whole story, there had to be more to it, Mewtwo did not the whole 'virus' excuse in the slightest. Mew could not be trusted, no, neither could Celebi, the other Legendary who had validated their absurd story. It could not be true, it was just a cover for another of their twisted pranks. And Mewtwo planned to put a stop to it, without Evetwo interferring. He got to his feet, stretching slightly to awaken his hind legs for the task of getting to the ground.

Evetwo had at least been considerate enough to leave him a way to get to the floor, although the smirk she had worn while constructing the makeshift staircase had done little to help Mewtwo's temper. From the desk, he moved into one of the drawers, from there climbing down onto the chair, from there onto the upturned waste-paper basket, then onto a pile of books from her half hearted attempt at cleaning the floor somewhat. From there it was a simple case of leaping to the floor and walking over to Mew.

His room seemed a lot bigger now that he was so small, the books that littered the ground forcing him to scramble across them, he would really have to see about finding a method of storing the many tomes. After nearly slipping and banging his head on a large hardback, having so many around became a lot more dangerous. Mewtwo fought away the thought with a barely audible snarl, he did not have to adapt, his problem was only momentary, he would be back to normal soon, and be rid of this damn headache...

However, he came to a halt next to the bed, there was one problem. He couldn't climb onto it, the framework was metal, the quilt was all bunched up in the middle, there was no platform to use as a stepping stone... if he couldn't get up there, how could he wake Mew... The answer hit him out of no where, a sudden flick of Mew's tail sending the Rattata sprawling. He growled, pushing himself back to his feet even as his cursed instincts told him to run and hide from the assault...

Stay calm, stay rational... don't give those instincts an inch. Mewtwo repeated the words in his head until his damned form had calmed enough for him to get back to the matters at paw. Namely, awakening Mew. With that tail moving the way it was, flicking from side to side with some force, it would be impossible to merely prod him awake with normal means. However, Mewtwo remembered what he had done last night and how well that had gotten Evetwo's attention. That would do the trick nicely.

Opening his maw, revealing sharp teeth, Mewtwo took aim, watching and waiting for the perfect moment...

He pounced.

---

Fervo had a headache. How did that work? He hadn't even drank that much last night, so it wasn't a hangover. And he hadn't had Pika screaming at him either, so it wasn't that. So how the hell did he have a headache? He sat himself down on one of the stairs, clutching at his head, fighting back a snarl... it wouldn't do to lose it over a headache... especially if he hadn't been drunk, Jack'd never stop with the lightweight cracks, ever. There was a small thump, followed by a high pitched squeak, forcing him to look up, straight into baby blue eyes. The tiny orange lizard had tripped up and was laying on her front, looking up at him with those innocent eyes. Fervo wasn't fooled.

"Oh good, the spawn's come to mock me..."

Kit slowly pushed herself up, her feet were still a little large compaired to the rest of her, although not to the degree of Mew, so getting her balance again was a rather haphazard process. Fervo watched with eyescales cocked, cautiously observing the child as she stood, wavering slightly, tiny tail waving behind her until she was slightly more stable. She took a few shakey steps forwards, moving perhaps a little quicker than she probably intended as she almost slammed into the front of the bottom step.

Luckily she was a lizard and was more durable than most kits, or she didn't hit it as hard as Fervo thought, because she didn't start weeping like Poochie did when he walked into a door. She squeaked slightly, that was it. And it was more an indignant, embarrassed, sound than an upset one. The Treecko was almost amused by it.

"What happened to your..." he couldn't quite say the word father, he just couldn't do it, "what happened to Flame? Did Scarlet go hormonal and kill him?"

She tilted her head slightly, staring up at him with those paradoxically innocent eyes as though she couldn't quite understand the question. She probably couldn't, actually. After all, Flame raised Blacky, and look how dense that kit was. Fervo couldn't help but smile at the thought.

"We're gonna have to teach you to say 'cake'" He told the child, "because the look on Flame's face... Although he'd probably kill me, if your mother didn't get to me first." Weird... he could call Scarlet the kit's mother, yet he couldn't call Flame her father... that was a puzzle and a half.

One that he did not have the chance to ponder over, instead being distracted as Kit reached up with her paws and tried to climb onto the step with him. Unfortunately, it was designed for Humans, or Human sized Pokemon, so she was too short to get enough leverage to pull herself up, even if her tiny foreclaws could find purchase in the wood. Fervo sighed, leaning down and picking her up around the middle. For a Charmander, she was rather light; so it was no trouble to lift her, although he did wish she wouldn't squirm and giggle, before placing her down beside him.

"This doesn't mean I like you, I just don't want to deal with an upset baby lizard, especially as that'd get everyone pissed at me."

It would be a lot easier to ignore the hellspawn's presence if she fell asleep or something. But, no, she had to walk over to him, coming very close to falling off the staircase... he was trying, very hard, not to look at her, but she went and placed her paws on his leg, staring up at him again.

"What do you want?" He muttered, looking down at Kit, who just giggled as she reached up with a paw and touched the Treecko on the snout, pulling back and staring at her paw for a second, before looking back up at him as though to judge his reaction. "Did you just beep my nose?"

She just tilted her head, and did it again, a small smile evident on her face. Evidently she was toying with him, well, fine, he could play her game. He reached up and prodded her own snout, being as gentle as he could so not to cause her to back up and fall of the staircase. "Beep. I win."

She giggled in reply, taking ahold of his dark green paw in both of her own tiny ones, and; as much as he hated to admit it, Fervo found himself smiling.

"Don't think this means I like you." He pointed out to the Kit, who seemed to be looking over his paw with rather innocent curiousity. Which Fervo was okay with, as long as she didn't wonder what Treecko tasted like. "I still think the idea of you is creepy. I mean, I can't imagine your mother managing to procreate without killing the other party in the process... hell, I can't image her touching another person without killing another pe-" he paused, noticing the way Kit had stopped observing his paw and was instead looking up the stairs with that look in her eyes that Blacky had whenever he saw Flame after being seperated for a while...

And, seeing as Flame was in the living room down the hall, it was not that parental figure she could be looking at... "Scarlet's right behind me, isn't she?" The kit nodded in reply. "...I was afraid of that."

"Then how about I give you something to be really afraid of, you jerk!" Yup, definitely Scarlet's tone alright, that familiar warped growl... Yet Fervo found himself cocking an eyescale.

"...That line is even cornier than the crap Jack comes out with." The hell with it, if he was going to die anyway, might as well have a few last cracks beforehand. Although, Fervo then came up with a better idea, he got to his feet and ran like hell.

Just as he shot around the corner, narrowly avoiding a stream of blue, crackling fire, he realised that his headache was gone.

---

Mewtwo realised his plan had one fatal flaw. Namely; Mew did not take kindly to having Rattata teeth imbedded in his, rather sensitive, tail tip. Unfortunately, by the time Mewtwo figured out this flaw, Mew's fur had already frizzed up, almost rippling up his spine, before the psychic rocketed into the air with a piercing, telepathic wail. Mewtwo fell to the floor, almost cracking his head on the corner of a rather large hardback book. Mew, however, was not so lucky. Head met ceiling, the wail turning into a momentary squeak before the transformed Legendary plummeted.

Mewtwo ducked under the bed, managing to avoid being flattened when Mew hit the floor. The Rattata couldn't help but feel a little peeved, not that Mew's injuries, Mewtwo didn't give a damn about those, but at the fact that Eve would probably awaken before he could extract any useful information. Which would prove impossible anyway, he decided with a sigh, Mew curling into a ball, clutching at his sore tail and skull... was he... crying? His shoulders were shaking and Mewtwo could hear his gasping breaths...

"_Oh, you are so dead._" The voice caused Mewtwo to freeze up, his eyes darting around, it was the phantom... but where... Mewtwo never even saw the tail phasing through the floor beside him until it shot around him, wrapping him tight and lifting him into the air. Now it was he who squeaked, the sudden cold sensation not helping those infernal instincts to flee. Anti floated up through the floor, slowly, right in front of Mewtwo's face, and the Rattata found his vision starting to blur. "Oh, no you don't. You ain't fainting on me." The tip of that translucent tail prodded Mewtwo's forehead, the sudden electrical-freezing touch forcing him awake.

"Now, where was I?" The undead kitten mused, before grinning, revealing fangs that seemed to glow in the dim sunlight, "ah yes, punishing you for attacking Mew. Eve's too soft, me, I don't have that problem/"

"You cannot do anything to me."

"Uh huh," the tail squeezed slightly, Mewtwo starting to struggle against the ghostly pressure, "listen and listen good, Mew didn't lie about that virus thing, and I've got the bloodwork to back it up, so you can stop planning on interrogating him. Got that?"

"I was no-"

"Either you start listening, or I test the theory that Rattata's hearing don't deteriorate after losing an ear."

Mewtwo shut up, just as Eve finally awoke, finally noticing Mew's sobbing and almost vaulting out of bed. Anti vanished, letting Mewtwo hit the ground, his fur refusing to go back down from its frizzed state.

"_Mew?!_"

"_Hurts..._" his voice, his stolen voice, shook slightly. Eve stared for a second, mouth agape, before Mewtwo felt her psychic hold as he was hauled into the air... again.

"_You are going to stop being an ass to your brother!_" She almost hissed at him, eyes flashing between their usual red and a psychic-purple glow. He had to wonder how she knew it was him, although the teeth marks probably gave it away...

"I have no brother, I have no need for him or his accursed family," Mewtwo glared right back at her, watching her flinch at the words.

And then Mew pulled his head up, sniffing back another sob, grabbed a hefty book, and swung, Eve's grip shattering in shock as Mewtwo was effectively swatted out of the air, slamming into one of the bed's steel legs.

"_Mew! What the hell was that for?!_"

"_He started it._" Mew sniffed, wiping his eyes. "_Stupid Mewtwo._"

"You are the one who looks like me, you are insulting yourself," Mewtwo spat.

"_You're just mad cause I'm cuter than you,_" Mew taunted, his newly-stabalised, and therefore purple, eyes now filled with amusement.

"I, and my form, are not 'cute' by any definition of the word."

"_You obviously never read a few of the female Team Rocket employee's minds when you had that armor on._"

"...What?!"

"_I win!_" Now he laughed... laughed!

Eve sighed, it was much too early for this.


	11. Crash Course

And we're back here too. Yay for me. Finally thought up some good scenes for this, and, look, no bastardizing Mewtwo in this one. It's a miracle, or laziness. Or both.

Anyway, once I came up with the first scene, the rest kinda wrote itself.

Besides, who doesn't want to see those two at the end join in on the insanity. Because, damnit, that group is too awesome not to use.

**Not-Quite-Drunken-Silly - Part Eleven: Crash Course**

"Mewdamnit she's persistant," Fervo panted, clutching at the banister as he tried to catch his breath, having only just managed to evade Scarlet during the manic chase. Maybe having a kit had slowed her down a little, and thrown her aim off, seeing as she hadn't even managed to scorch him with a single lick of flame. Yet he could hear the cursing and yelling getting closer, she would probably be chasing him all day. Even Pika would have given up by this point, he'd made the comment around an hour ago after all. "How does Flame do it?" He paused for a moment, "oh yeah, the unkillable thing... lucky git."

Then, just over the sound of the Charmander's ever-closer threats and swears, another yell was heard, this one from the other direction and much closer. Much, much closer, it's weilder skidding onto the landing from the direction of the west wing.

"Crazy ass psychic." The other Treecko called over his shoulder as he slowed to a halt by his cousin, looking equally as exausted, "it's too early for running..."

"Girlia?" Normally that would have been a dumb question but, considering the number of psychics that lived in the mansion before you even counted the rest of the city, it was always helpful to know what you were up against.

"I didn't even do anything. It's not my fault he's hungover 'cause he can't handle his Orans. You?"

"Scarlet's pissed because..." Fervo paused, giving a shrug, "I don't even know, I think she's just hormonal after having spawned."

"You kidding?!" It wasn't much that garnered an emotional response from Jack, whose apathy was the stuff of legend, "how'd she manage that without, you know, killing someone."

"No idea, but she seems to be trying to make up for lost time." The yells were getting closer now, but Fervo still was too knackered to run. Besides, if he fled, Scarlet'd confuse Jack for him and start blasting. If it was anyone else, Fervo would have done so, but not to his cousin.

"Found you!" And there was the pissy psychic, right on cue. His hair was a mess, his face was red and his eyes kept flashing purple. Luckily; the same hangover that made him so cranky (well, more so than usual) also robbed him of the focus needed to kill them with mind bullets. "Jack, you and your cousin are going to get what you deserve!"

"Me!?" Fervo exclaimed, "what did I do? Other than the thing with the shampoo... and the thing with the whisk... and the lipstick. Although that was funny."

"That was you!" G-sorry-Kirlia looked surprised for a moment, before he did the impossible and got even angrier.

"You're gonna bust a blood vessel if you keep that up," Jack piped up, ever so helpfully, while Fervo was checking for escape routes.

The stairs were behind them, and they still had a half decent head start. Until, just as Fervo was about to grab Jack and make a dash for freedom, one of the side doors was blasted off of it's hinges by a stream of blue fire and Scarlet appeared. To go towards the stairs meant to go towards her, and it'd be impossible to dodge her attacks at that range. Kirlia blocked the other direction, and he looked to be finally shrugging off the effects of his hangover. That left only one other option.

"Jack, I've got a plan." Fervo kept his eye on the advancing fire type, who was looking way too gleeful at having cornered her prey.

"Oh good, because I don't fancy dying before even eating breakfast," Jack backed up as Kirlia got closer too.

"Do you trust me?" Fervo backed up too, the cousin's practically back-to-back as the aggressors closed in further.

"Uh," Jack paused for a moment, seemingly in thought, "no."

The younger cousin frowned at that, before spinning around, grabbing Jack and hauling him into air, "tough."

The act caused Kirlia to slow down a moment, confused at Fervo's scheme, whereas Scarlet used the chance to launch another stream of blue flames straight at the Treecko's behind. Or the space it had occupied a few seconds earlier, anyway, as he vaulted over the banister to follow Jack down to the ground floor in a free fall. And landed in one of the trolleys the maids used to cart around linen for cleaning. Thankfully it was full, so the puffy quilts proved for a soft landing.

Fervo surfaced from his dive, almost smirking at the sight of the other lizard gasping for breath and at the sound of fighting from the floor above. Evidentaly Kirlia didn't appreciate nearly getting torched by the stray Dragonbreath.

"Well, that was lucky." He remarked, managing to pull himself over to the side of the trolley.

"What was?" Jack suddenly scowled.

"This being here." Jeez, how dumb could you get? What else could he have meant.

"You mean we jumped off of the second floor without looking what was below us?!" in fact, Fervo couldn't remember a time when Jack had looked this startled.

"Well, if I'd have looked, Scarlet would have known what I was planning and just shot us in freefall. Besides I threw you down first so, either way, I'd have got a soft landing."

"You define asshole." Gee, the compliments were really coming today, Fervo rolled his eyes.

"I saved your life, that makes me nice so-"

"Rule three... yeah." Jack shrugged, flipping back to his usual mode of apathy and sarcasm, "it doesn't make you less of an asshole."

Fervo's retort was cut off before he could say it. Not by any interruption, but by the lack of one. The fighting above had stopped. Which meant that one of them had killed the other, or they'd decided to team up, but the former was more likely. Either way, trouble if they couldn't get away, and running wasn't working. So Fervo just leaned over the side of the trolly, took aim, and blasted the brakes apart with a Shadow Ball.

"Jack, hold onto something!" He warned, turning back towards the front door. Or, more specifically, to the windows above it that let sunlight filter down.

Jack, for once, didn't ask questions or protest, grabbing ahold of the edge of the metal box with wheels, while also trying to drag over more of the soft quilts just incase Fervo was about to do what Jack thought he was about to do. He was. Glowing green, focusing on a trick that he'd picked up after watching some of Celebi and Mew's many, many brawls. Taking aim at the front door, which was the only one in existance that could take a shot from even a Boom Berry boosted Flame and still be standing, before doing the kind thing and telling the fem-Charmander running down the stairs his little scheme.

"Solarbeam!"

A half second before they were propelled down the hallway at what had to be an inceasingly unhealthy speed for a linen trolley, the cousins were treated to the look of confusion and awe on Scarlet's face. And it was worth the blantantly suicidal actions that had led up to it.

--

Flame yawned as he leapt down from the kitchen counter, munching on an apple he had managed to pilch, leaving behind the remains of the ones he had already devoured. He was mentally trying to convince himself to save a little for Kit, to see if he could get her into eating them before Scarlet managed to get her addicted to those bloody strawberries. Hateful, evil things, much like the Charmanderess herself, he thought, heading over for the door as he took another bite. He had been about to step into the hallway when he heard cursing.

He stopped in the doorway, just in time to witness a metal box go shooting by him, filled with quilts and crap while two Treecko held on for dear life inbetween arguing with eachother. The thing kept on going at an unholy speed, leaving the fire lizard standing there, purplexed for a moment, before he slowly looked down to stare at the apple in his paw.

"Whatever they've put in this thing, I'm not eating it," he muttered, placing the fruit on a shelf as he headed for the side door into the living room.

For about five seconds, there was nothing; until he came back, scooped up the apple with naught but a "screw it," and headed on his way again, wondering what mess he was going to get dragged into this time.

--

"Fervo!" Jack practically shouted, which was rather pointless, considering the trolley's wheels were well oiled so it was racing along almost silently.

"I am right next to you, you know," the other Treecko replied, clinging on tighter when they hit a slightly uneven part of the wood floor, causing the makeshift vehicle to buck slightly. Luckily, it didn't tip.

"This hallway's downhill." Well, he stopped shouting, probably more focused on praying for his life. And for good reason too.

"Yeah." Fervo was still unaware of this good reason.

"And the floors always just been cleaned by now."

"So?" They could still slow down with no problem, easy. After all, it wasn't like they didn't have any-

"You blew up the brakes." Okay, looks like they didn't have a way to slow down after all.

"...Crap. I knew I'd forgotten a tiny detail."

"We're going to die and it's all your fault." The elder Treecko sighed, unable to believe he'd go like this... there wasn't even any orans in this thing. He'd already checked. Twice.

"Hey, you could have stopped me before I started this thing, so it's your fault too!" Fervo snapped back.

They continued like that for another minute, mainly as a way to ignore the rising panic. And the fact that their ride was getting faster, while they were running out of hallway. In fact, the end of it was coming into view, a very solid wall. If they were lucky (which, considering who they are, was unlikely) there was the chance they'd go through the window. But it was the extra thick stuff, and on the other side was the concrete patio, so either way the landing was going to hurt.

Until they shot past a junction anyway, where there was a flash as something imbedded itself in one of the wheels, causing it to lock and the trolley to slam into a wall instead, tipping the Treecko out as it flipped onto its side. Luckily they were still partially wrapped in the quilts, which saved them from the worst of the landing. Although Jack looked a little concussed, Fervo doubted it'd do any real damage. Then he looked back at what had caused the crash, spotting what had dug into the wheel and somehow had managed to survive without even being bent by the force.

A two of diamonds. Which meant only one thing- he looked over at the offshoot where it had come from, just as the Gardevoir stepped out, keeping one hand hidden in the pocket of the familiar blue jacket as she kept a stern gaze on the two stunned lizards. And, behind her, the Absol.

"Aw crap..." He had probably been safer with Scarlet, he realised, as the dark type pounced, giddy in her excitement.

"Hug!"


	12. Terminally Bored

And we're back again for another foray into the realm of the insane mansion. And I'm serious on the insane part.

Although the first scene here seems to be more cute-inane... We'll have fangirls squeeing for days over that one...

The second scene is just normal insane though... I never thought I'd say that.

I'd have a longer pre-post thing, but it's stupidly late and I have work in the morning, so I'm gonna go sleep so I'm concious tomorrow.

Might have a Complications done by the weekend, assuming I don't get too sidetracked again, anyway...

**Not-Quite-Drunken-Silly - Part Twelve: Terminally Bored**

The entire planet was out to get her, that was the only explaination that Spiral could come up with to explain what she was being told.

"You are buggering off on a mission, leaving the hyper Absol in my care?"

"Well, a dark type in the middle of Saffron would attract too much attention. Especially considering that our objective knows about us and would go after her. And no assassin or kitnapper would dare come anywhere near this place." The Leafeon stretched, pointedly ignoring the telling off he was getting though his earpiece for mentioning why they were in a city. It was more force of habit that had Sleet trying to enforce secrecy, seeing as Spiral was more than aware of the Eon's occupation and that their presence tended to mean that someone was going to mysteriously vanish overnight and never be heard from ever again.

"It'll only be for the day," Argil tried to reassure the psychic feline, who was not looking convinced, "we'll be around for a while after that, I'll make it up to you then."

"You sure?" That got a positive reaction. He didn't notice the rising red tint her cheeks took, hidden under the pink fur.

"Your birthday's coming up soon."

"You remembered that?" And now she was surprised, not many people remembered. And the bounty hunter who hardly ever visited was one of the last people she actually expected too. If anything, the slight flush became not-so-slight, yet he still didn't notice.

"I'm good at remembering dates like that." He decided not to mention it was because he hung out with two bounty hunters, forgetting birthdays could easily turn very fatal, very quickly. "I'll be sure to get you something nice."

"O-okay," the Espeon fidgeted slighty, now more red than pink.

She looked about ready to add to that when another Eon walked over, this one being the ice type. Argil glanced over to his partner, blowing his head leaf out of his eyes as he did so.

"Didn't think I could handle it?" He rolled his brown eyes, a guesture mimiced by Sleet as she stretched before sitting down beside the Leafeon..

"I'm more worried about Alice. Surely getting us rooms for the week can't take that long."

"Boss-lady can handle hereself. She's faced worst odds than a load of maids and an idiot Grovyle."

"The maids are probably more competant then the guards we normally deal with."

"True," Argil chuckled, before frowning, "...wait, was that a joke? When did you develop a sense of humour?"

"We're not currently working, the need for proffessionalism is not quite so high." Sleet countered, "so don't get used to it."

It was at this point that the front door to the house burst open, the Gardevoir pausing at the exit only to quickly check for any threats before she headed out, hands in her pockets. Behind her, a very bedraggled looking Grovyle stood, his clothes all scruffy, tie nearly falling off. He decided to stay in the reletive safety of the doorway as Alice headed down the path.

"I've got us a couple rooms for later, let's go," she said as she walked past the small group, blunt as always.

"Well, see you 'round." Argil told Spiral as he got up to follow, Sleet already moving, "Remember, Angel doesn't have any chocolate or there'll be no calming her down."

"Like I'd give her anything with sugar in anyway." Yeah, the Espeon had learnt that lesson after Blacky'd gotten ahold of some... it'd taken three hours for her, Flame, Mew and Scyther to finally pin the Umbreon down.

As the trio left to go kill some poor bugger, Spiral's small smile was replaced by a frown. She turned to see if she could track the Absol kit down before it could cause too much damage, only to pause when she found Blacky sitting right in her path. In fact, she'd nearly walked straight into him as she'd turned. His nose almost touched hers, his gaze serious.

"You're jealous of Sleet."

"What?!" Spiral took a step back, a little freaked out that her brother wasn't being an idiotic goofball, "I am not jealous."

"You are!" He stuck out his tongue, losing all pretence of being a normal Umbreon in the process.

"You don't even know what jealousy is!" Spiral insisted, her face bright red.

"I do." He nodded sagely, almost. Although the bouncing ears and the giggle ruined the effect.

"Well, what is it?" Spiral wasn't fooled by Blacky claiming to know something.

He paused for a moment, seeming to mull it over, before he spoke, inquisitively, "...pancakes?"

Spiral fixed him with a level stare, before just sighing. "Sure, why not."

"So you're pancakes?" The Umbreon cocked his head, looking confused again, "That doesn't make any sense..."

"You're the one who came up with it."

"I came up with pancakes? What about waffles? Who came up with waffles?"

It was going to be a long day...

--

Eve, on the other paw, had settled for toast, although she had grilled it instead of using the toaster, the psychic not quite having managed to shuck off the memories of Mew's little prank with that particular appliance. She was heading back up to 'her' room in the loft, carrying a plate with another slice of toast for Mew, and some cheese for Mewtwo. She smirked at the second one, having been unable to resist the idea. She needed some amusement, and the look on Mewtwo's face would provide ample amounts of that, otherwise having to look after her two siblings would drive her insane.

If they didn't kill each other first. Which, considering that Mew was in Mewtwo's body, who wasn't ever in the best of moods on a good day, meant that she should probably hurry back. She's locked them inside the room, seeing as Mewtwo would try and escape again, and who knows what Mew would do if he got away from her. Knowing that he was in a form of Mewtwo, and an idiot, it would probably involve a skirt, and someone trying to kill him. It was at this point that Eve was seriously considering 'forgetting' about going back to her room.

Unfortunately, she was already outside the door, about to turn the handle, well past the point of no return. Taking a deep breath, she turned the handle and pushed the door open. Mewtwo made to shoot out the gap in the door, only to get pulled back inside with a quick telekinetic pulse from his 'sister'. As for Mew, the female couldn't spot him at first, but then the computer chair slowly turned, revealing him sitting there. Still looking for all the world like a baby Mewtwo, there was a cunning glint in his eye as he smirked.

"_Hello, Miss Eve, I've been expecting you,_" he spoke, miming stroking a cat as he did so.

Eve stared, before closing the door again. Sod it, they could skip breakfast for that.

"That was not nice of Miss Eve," a voice spoke from behind her. Even though the speech pattern gave the bug's identity away, she still spun around in surprise, finding herself almost nose to nose with Scyther.

"_Don't do that!_" She tried to calm down, nearly having jumped out of her fur, heart going so fast she was surprised it didn't catch alight.

"Scyther wants to speak to Miss Eve," he ignored the scolding, while simultaneously giving the psychic a feeling of dread, sending a shiver down her tail.

He couldn't still be pissed about the thing she'd said last night, right? That'd been an accident! Besides, he didn't seem the type to carry petty grudges. It had to be something else... but what? Eve didn't know, so all she could do was nod slightly.

"_Okay._" She mumbled, feeling so much like a scolded child at that moment, just from the stern look in his eyes.

"Hey, has anyone seen my daughter anywhere?" Flame piped up, managing to climb the last of the stairs, "she's wandered off somewhere and I don't want Fervo to teach her any crap."

"Scyther has not seen-" he paused, turning to stare at Flame, Eve mimicing his look of surprise, the two of them even saying the same phrase, "your _what?!_"

"Why do people keep reacting like that..." The Charmander sighed, before feeling something tugging on his arm. Looking down, there was Kit, who was watching the apple slice he held with keen interest.

Eve was really having to struggle to resist the urge to squee. She would not embarrass herself infront of the bug and the lizard, she'd never hear the end of it. Flame was scolding Kit for wandering off, while she was clearly more focused on the food than what he was saying, reaching out for it with tiny paws. The clone could feel the urge to coo over the child growing to almost unbearable levels when something finally came up to break the tension. Anti shot through the floorboards, yelling for everyone to duck.

A month ago, that would have gotten stares of confusion from them for a few seconds. Now however; everyone bar Scyther hit the deck, Kit more from tripping over her own feet than any serious attempt to find cover. The bug just tilted his head as something the size of a slice of bread smashed through the floorboards, the angle taking it narrowly past his face, before punching a hole in Mewtwo's door. Eve had the distinct idea that grovyle was not going to be happy about another door being totalled, let alone the hole in the floor.

"What. The hell. Was that?!" Flame piped up, keeping down for fear of another attack.

The see-through kitten puffed himself up, tail flicking, before announcing with pride, "my anti-air toaster." Another killer toaster?! Why

"...Scyther is going to need some coffee..."

"_A-aye..._"


	13. The Forest Knight Chapter I

Well, this took much longer than it needed too, but I finally managed it.

I'd had the idea of this setting in my head for a while. I always was a sucker for fantasy settings when I was a kid, castles and knights and good kicking evil's arse all over the place.

Of course, me being me, that kind of thing just begged to be bastardized and, after much procrastination, here's the result.

I would have posted it as a seperate story but then it'd have no chance of ever being done, plus this way I don't have to try and come up with a summary. And I really, really suck at summarys.

What am I supposed to put for this? Really? "A badass Princess, magic amulets, evil villains and a stained glass window"?

I'm fully expecting revolts over one part, if anyone can recover after the ending.

Apparently being awesome runs in the family...

Anyway, enjoy, and please comment. Knowing what people think when I try something new makes it much easier to figure out what works and what sucks.

**Not-Quite-Drunken-Silly**

**Special Number Three: The Forest Knight**

**Chapter I - The Play **

The Autumn Festival, celebrating the end of Summer and the turning point of the year where the power of the moon began to outshine the sun, was still a day in coming. People throughout Tohoku were busy preparing for the festives, not expecting that that the shift in power was a day early. Even the guards at the castle at the center of the great kingdom were caught completely unawares. As the sun reached its zenith, several of those patrolling the walls and towers of the stone structure spotted that their patrol partner's eyes suddenly took on a red glow, most of them spotting the danger only just in time for their trusted ally to land the first blow.

Many were thrown off the castle walls and, as there had been a rather hot and dry spell over the last couple of weeks, the moat had largely dried up. The few that had managed to avoid the initial ambush rapidly found themselves hopelessly outnumbered. Yet none surrendered, refusing to back down even against old friends, blades and armor shining in the sunlight as they kept fighting a futile struggle. Similar ambushes happened throughout the inner corridoors, only the lucky managing to avoid being slain instantly.

Barely five minutes later, the giant wooden drawbridge lowered over the moat, porticullis raising almost completely silently to let a small wooden carriage pass into the castle grounds. It was a plain, simple looking thing; pulled only by a lone Rapidash. The kind of thing that no one paid any attention to if they saw it passing by on the road, with the single exception of bandits. But only a foolish bandit would dare attack any carriage with its curtains drawn. Only people who knew how to handle themselves in a skirmish dared travel like that.

A fact proven several times over the years when Tohoku's Princess had visited cities and other nations, she had always travelled in a similar carriage; and Arceus have mercy on any hapless fool who dared attempt a robbery. Her Escort was typically one of the countries Elites, many of whom were those who were still fighting on the castle walls, and that was saying nothing about the Princess herself. She was said to be able to match her guards in battle, earning her the affectionate title amongst her subjects of Warrior Maiden.

But the Princess was not inside that carriage, she was inside the castle's chapel, well away from the sounds of the fighting; the thick stone walls and great wooden door doing much to hide the events of the outside from those within. The carriage was able to pull up right outside without alerting those within. A lone person was waiting, sunlight shining off of bright red armour as he stood in front the chapel, watching the carriage doors open and let its occupants outside.

"My Lord," the knight bowed to the two psychics that stepped out into the open air, the smaller of the two glad to be able to get out of the stuffy wooden box. "I hope your journey went well."

"Quite, Captain," The Hypno replied, idly looking around, "I trust there are no complications here."

"None that we did not foresee, and none that will affect the rest of the operation."

"I'll tell the guards to try to take the '_complications_' alive if possible, they might prove salvagable," the second Psychic added, her eyes starting to glow purple.

"There is no need, Lady Esteria, I've already issued that order."

"How chivalrous of you, sparing me a chore like that, Celes." The Espeon smiled, a rather warm smile despite the fact it showed a few too many fangs.

"Anything to assist my fair Lady."

"Charming too," she giggled, blushing a shade of red that almost matched the Scizor's armour, "how are you not wed yet?"

"A discussion for another time, I'm afraid," Hypno interjected, "now that the pleasantries are out of the way; shall we see to our Queen-to-be?"

---

The chapel was usually pretty plain, a small structure built in the middle of the castle grounds so that the more religious occupants of the castle would not have to visit the nearby city church every weekend. There was only one priest, a rather cheerful fellow who was always happy to talk with the Princess, or anyone who felt like a chat. Many of the Princess' escorts were perfectly happy to let the Wartortle converse with her in private, knowing that he would do nothing to endanger her in any way. Except letting her help carry heavy boxes full of decorations and set the stage for the Festival's evening play.

"You know that Captain Celes'd throw a fit if he saw this?" The turtle smirked as he passed up brightly coloured ribbons and drapes for the Gardevoir to pin into place.

"Probably, but he never liked you in the first place," she leaned to her left, coming precariously close to tipping the ladder she was on as she hooked the last of the fabric in place over the stage.

"Surprised we aren't doing this in the grand hall like usual. It's much better prepared for hosting a play than my little place here."

"The Grand Hall doesn't have a bell tower, which is an important part of _The Firefly and The Hummingbird._"

"I guess so," the priest managed a smile, "suppose I should trust your judgement on this, seeing as you're the one who picked the play."

"You should trust me, Squirt. It was one of Mother's favorites. The tale of a Noblewoman coming to care about a commoner who was the only one to stand up against a corrupt ruler, a deeply forbidden love constantly challanged by the Chancellor's hier. Eventually they meet in secret in the old Church's belltower to be wed, when the heir arrives and challanges the commoner to a duel for the lady's hand. They battle in front of the entire town, the commoner managing to triumph only to find himself exiled for assaulting Nobility. Unable to stay without being executed, he prepares to leave his home and his love only to find her waiting at the city gate, along with the priest from the church."

The Princess sat down at the top of the ladder, looking across at the stage she had helped set up with an almost whimsical smile, "she vows to follow him wherever his new life takes him, defying her parents and her own nobility, and they're wed right under the city gates before leaving their old life behind them to start anew." One of the few plays from the Crescent Era that had a happy ending.

"Sure you don't want to play the female lead?" Squirt enquired, "you've got practically every line memorised from watching rehearsal." And she'd already known a fair few before then.

"I think people might start to worry that I'm harbouring a desire to run away from my duties if I play that role. And there would be riots if a Princess got any part other than a lead."

"Quite true, Princess Alice, quite true indeed."

That was not a familiar voice, none of the guards or servents in the castle would use such a condencing tone. And there would not be any visitors to the castle until the festival tomorrow, yet there were two strangers standing in the chapel's doorway. The one who had spoken was giving an eerie smile that had Alice on edge straight away. The Espeon next to the newcomer was no better, eyes shining with an intensity that had the priest beside her backing up a step. And right behind them, the captain of the guard himself, looking as stern as ever.

"Celes, care to explain who these two are and why they're interrupting a private conversation?" Alice leapt down from the ladder, dress fluttering in the breeze as she glared at the insect.

"Oh, our apolagies Princess Alice," The feline psychic bowed, the guesture doing nothing to reassure the Princess, "but we are here on a matter of great importance. Life or death, if you will."

"Really?" Alice stood at the edge of the stage, focusing all attention on her guests, trying to figure out exactly what they wanted and why Celes hadn't brought more guards with him.

"Well, people have died." The Hypno piped up, smile only getting larger and larger as he stepped further inside the chapel, "quite a few people, actually."

The sudden sense of dread was nearly overpowering. No normal person would say something like that while smiling, especially not in such a sinister manner. Alice took a step back, keeping plenty of distance between her and the newcomers.

"As for who we are," The Espeon spoke up, eyes flashing purple for a moment as the chapel door swung shut under her power, "I'm Lady Esteria." That was a name Alice knew, her eyes widening as she took another step back. The infamous Lilac Devil, able to breaking even the strongest souls to her will. Who knew how many allies were now under her thrall.

"Lord Hypno will suffice for myself, I'm not so well known around these parts, but that will change soon enough." The male psychic smirked as he polished a trio of amulets that hung around his neck. One an aquatic blue, one a brilliant green, one pure white; all seeming to give off a vibrant aura.

Alice recognized those too. And suddenly she figured out what they wanted, and just how bad things were. Yet still she refused to panic, standing with dignity, her fine blue cotton dress managing to hide the slight shivers running through her.

"The Ruby Pendant." The Royal Family's treasure, hidden in the castle. Still, the appearence of the Saphire and Emerald Pendants here explained why the neighboring kingdoms had become a lot more hostile.

"Ah, so the rumors of your intelligence were well founded." Hypno kept walking towards her, staring the Princess straight in the eye. "Then you must be aware of what I plan to do with it."

"Once you've got the Diamond Pendant too, then you'll supposedly gain the powers of the first Mew."

"Immortality, Creation, Divine Wisdom. And the ability to wipe entire realms off of the map. I could remake the world as I saw fit."

"And I suppose you expect me to tell you where the Ruby is."

"Well, I've got all the time in the world to question you. What few guards are still loyal to you are fighting for their lives, and Celes here is the only one who even knows your location."

And, unfortunately, there was no way out from the chapel apart from the doors that the enemy happened to be blocking. Celes was an experianced fighter, Hypno had three of the Pendants and the Espeon had a reputation for being able to cause as much damage in a fight as she could in a torture chamber; so trying to fight her way out was suicidal without the element of surprise. Which she didn't have. Besides, there was Squirt to think about too, he had no chance if a battle broke out. The poor turtle was backing further and further away from the invading psychics...

"I wouldn't run, if I were you," Esteria piped up with another toothy smirk, Squirt going very pale as she stared straight at him, "if you be good then Hypno here might be nice and let you live."

"Without letting Esteria here play her little games, if the Princess plays nice too," Hypno added, clearly trying to make a point to Alice that the priest's life was in her hands.

There were many replies Alice could make to the threats, but none of them really suited her title. So she fought back the urge to tell the psychics where they could shove their elemental pendants, instead communicating her desire for them to drop dead with just a glare and clenched fists.

"Well, thats about as nice as I was expecting from the _Warrior Maiden_," Hypno grinned, "and I should probably point out a little something about your friend there. See, I have the Pearl Pendant, the fifth Legendary Amulet. Which doesn't correspond to your normal elements like the Saphire's water or the Diamond's earth-"

"Aether, the spiritual element. I'm aware of this." Where was he going with the mythology lesson? What was he planning...

"Well, the pendant grants me a rather useful ability to read people's... souls, let's say."

"So you must be missing a reflection then," the Gardevoir growled, eyes constantly flicking to the Espeon to make sure she wasn't trying to sneak around the Princess to get at Squirt.

"Very amusing. Anyway, it means that I can tell that your priest friend there; isn't a priest. Doesn't believe in Arceus."

"What?" What was that supposed to mean? Even Squirt seemed shocked into silence, although he did suddenly turn even paler...

"Now, what possible reason could anyone have to be a priest near a Princess, if they aren't religious? Or, more importantly, to whom does their alligience lie? The kingdom of Kanto, perhaps, or the one with that inane Charmanderess as ruler?"

Despite all instincts telling her not to look away from the three in front of her, Alice had to glance back at the turtle. He seemed to be stammering for some sort of responce, taking another step further back from the intruders. And then Alice noticed what he was backing towards, there was a rope hanging down from the roof above the stage, connected through a series of pulleys to the belltower.

"M-my loyalties might not be with Arceus..." Squirt murmered, taking a gulp as he looked Alice right in the eye. He knew what would happen, his voice raising to a shout as he turned and raced those last few steps, "but they stay with the Prince-"

His yell cut shot, a long thin spike of ice racing past the stunned Gardevoir and straight into his back. The shell didn't manage to stop the unnatural thing from piercing him straight through a lung. Alice could hear the sounds of laughter coming from the two evil psychics behind her but couldn't look away from the sight of blood running down the cracks in her friend's shell. Yet the turtle's armour did manage one thing, it preventing him from crumpling to the ground. He fell forwards, managing to grasp ahold of the rope with the last of his strength and put his entire weight against it as he hit the floor.

The bell tolled once.

---

"Now things are going to get dangerous," one of the two Pokemon outside the castle walls muttered at the booming call of the bell, "let's see how our opponents handle things when they don't have everything go their way."

"What? We're going to stay out here and do nothing?!" The younger of the duo was exasperated, trying as hard as he could not to move with his reaction and risk giving their position away to anyone that might be paying attention up on the castle walls. They were hidden in the shadows of the western forest's edge, tucked behind the roots of a giant oak.

"We don't have much of a choice. If we go in now, there's a chance the Princess'll get killed. And our deaths are pretty much assured. We have to wait for things to calm down, gather any intelligence we can get about our opponents in the meantime." Was the deadpan reply, blood red eyes not even glancing across; focused solely on what was in front of them.

"But-"

"Grovyle, trust me, I've been doing this much longer than you have. I don't like waiting anymore than you do, but we don't stand a chance in a direct confrontation."

"So we hope the Princess doesn't surrender the Pendant?" That seemed ungodly risky, considering what was a stake. Even if the Ruby wasn't the last one, it still couldn't be let to fall into evil's paws.

"No. We don't hope. We know. She won't give up, not to them;" the elder smirked, "she's not called the Warrior Maiden for nothing. And we're not the only ones who heard that bell, so she'll have her backup soon enough."

"I hope you're right, Dione." The tree raptor sighed, climbing claws digging into the bark of the oak in his nervousness.

"If I am and things things do go sour, we've still got Scout above the castle." The Absol pointed out, "so I do have a backup plan."

That helped to calm Grovyle down, he'd forgotten that the dark type always had a second option ready for any situation. And Scout was always reliable in a pinch, having saved the small group on the few occasions where even Dione's luck seemed to run dry. So there was no need to worry, he just had to focus on what he needed to do. Pay attention to the castle and learn stuff.

"Still, I don't think we're going to get much info from staring a brick wall."

"I know, I was waiting for the main fighting on the top of the wall to settle down a little." Dione scanned all the windows and started to sneak foward, shadows seeming to bend around him and make even the white fur nearly invisible against the long grass between the forest and the castle walls, "I'm going to go and have a look around, you stay here. You're my backup if things go wrong."

"...How will I know if things go bad after you're in there?"

The Absol laughed as he leapt over the moat, black claws managing to dig into the great stone wall as he slowly pulled himself up the vertical climb, "just follow the explosions."

---

Princess Alice, despite her mind completely shutting down at the sight of her friend collapsed on the floor with a giant icicle impaling him through the back, managed to wrench her eyes away from the sight to glare at the fiend responcible. Hypno's blue pendant stopped glowing and he dropped a second spear on the floor, watching the Gardevoir with a proud grin. The Espeon was even worse, laughing like she'd just seen the funniest thing on the planet, and then she spotted Celes' smirk, even as the Scizor stood by the door just in case anyone came running in to rescue her.

There was a long wooden pole nearby, one that had a hook on one end to pull the drapes across the stage shut between scenes. It took only a moment for Alice to latch onto it with her telekinesis and launch it straight at the traitorous Scizor's face. The steel insect didn't seem surprised, batting away the makeshift spear with a pincer. Then he did have to react when she ripped off one of the wooden steps from the ladder and hurled it at him, this time making sure to ignite it with her innate fire magic first.

The fiery plank was caught in mid flight by a pulse of air coming from the Hypno, his Emerald Pendant glowing a bright green as he send the projectile wildly off course to crash into the stone wall and shatter uselessly.

"My, my, even unarmed, you still manage to resist us. Guess we better stop playing nice," he let go of the Emerald, clutching the Pearl instead as several white tendrils burst out of the floor around the Gardevoir, quickly grabbing her by the wrists and throat and yanking her down to her knees in front of him. "Much better. You'll also find they negate your psychic abilities. And without the option to use your hands, all your other tricks are rended powerless as well."

She glared at him with all the venom she could muster, unable to respond verbally with something bound so tightly around her neck. The tendril loosened some, it's master seeming to notice the near suffocation as he stepped ever closer, until he was merely inches away. Another two tendrils formed and made sure she stayed kneeling, unable to edge away from the evil Pokemon.

"Now, do you fancy revealing to me where the Ruby is hidden, or shall I have to use the Pearl's power and rip it from your mind instead. I really would rather I didn't," he kneeled down so he was eye to eye with her, "something as pretty as yourself is more use to me alive."

"Really?" She growled, managing to get enough leverage from the loosened tendril around her throat to pull away from his gaze. And then she darted forward and cracked him in the snout with her forehead. "You think you're getting an answer out of me and you'll get plenty more bruises where that came from!" She shouted straight into the stunned psychic's face, ignoring the trickle of blood running down her own visage.

Hypno's expression changed then, going from a calm maliciousness to an almost frenzied psychopathy as he stepped out of range of the Princess, letting the tendril reclaim it's painful grip around her throat as he clutched ahold of the Pearl Pendant, Esteria taking a step away.

"You really should have taken the easy way out, now I'm going to have to rip your very soul in two!" Hypno roared as the Pendant began to glow a brilliant white.

The glow stopped all of a sudden when there was a loud crash of splintering glass, the chapels beautiful coloured glass window shattering into a billion pieces under the force of a green insect hitting it at full pelt. As it fell, the Scyther managed to focus the winds generated by it's leap around it, catching much of the falling shards in a whirlwind that was launched straight at Hypno, many also catching Esteria. Celes was cursing as he ran forwards, much too late when the Scyther landed, a second burst of air magic managing to sever the tendrils and freeing Alice's limbs.

"You are not harming the Princess!" Lucrecia yelled as she stood tall, sunlight shining off her beating wings and the shards of stained glass surrounding her.

Now things were finally looking up.


	14. Breakfast & Heritage

Well look at that, we start the new year with an update. It would have been done before new years but, eh, I got PMD:Sky and I'm sure everyone knows that I'm a bit of a hopeless addict when it comes to those series of games. Can you blame me? I beat Dialga by biting him in the face, with elecrified fangs.

Because, damnit, if I'm going to be an elecric type, I'm going to be the lion that can eat people's faces.

I'm kinda glad they threw in new kinds of Outlaw missions too. Especially if you can figure out which kind is which from the mail thing you get when you accept the job. Monster houses you can predict are much move fun. As is chasing a Skitty through the entire floor, having your partner intercept it just before it could reach the stairs and escape; then beating the law into it.

Also, the extra scenarios are fun. Difficult, seeing as you don't get to be the overpowered Shinx that oneshots everything, but still entertaining. Especially Team Charm's one, if only because they seem to believe they're in a magical girl show. They make silly poses all the time and have a theme tune, all they're missing is shouting out their attack names. And the game does that for them.

But, of course, the real advantage to Sky is that it has all the Pokemon from both Time and Darkness. So I get to beat up both Celebi and Mewtwo!

And that's worth the price of the game on it's own.

I'd comment on the actual chapter that I've spent the last week trying to finish writing, and eventually managed... but, really, there are no words for it.

**Not-Quite-Drunken-Silly: Part Fourteen - Breakfast & Heritage**

"Arceus, why? What, what in your name did I do to deserve this?!" Grovyle growled as he and Sofia took shelter out in the hallway, eitherside of the kitchen doorway. "And why is it always the damn toaster that tries to kill me?"

"At least it's predictable," the Cubone piped up, glancing around the door frame for half a second before she dived backwards as a lump of charred bread fired through the air with enough force to embedd itself in the wall opposite. "I'd hate to think what the waffle iron would do if it went rogue."

"Level the house if the other appliances are any indication." As if rebuilding the place three times hadn't been enough already... "Karen sure picked a fine time to take a day off, we could use someone who can shoot around corners."

"...Now that brings to mind an interesting puzzle." Sofia mused, looking like she was having way too much fun combating murderous kitchen items. "Does this thing track us by movement or by heat?"

"How does that have any effect on anything at all?!"

"Simple. If it's movement, then even shooting around corners wouldn't work. It'd fire at everything. Although we could beat it by moving really, really slowly so we don't trip the sensor. But it sees using heat, then it's possible that an ice attack would slip through its defences, or we could blind it just by turning the heating up."

"So we need to know which is which before we can kill it?"

"Well, we kinda need to know so we can avoid getting shot at as we get close enough to kill it. Unless you've changed your mind and we let Dione handle it."

"What part of _not turn my house into a giant smoking crater_ did you not understand?"

"The part where letting it get shot full of holes is a better alternative." Sofia nodded towards the many, many holes blasted in various walls and doors, "and it seems to be shooting the ceiling whenever it runs out of targets."

"How much bread has this thing got?!" Grovyle practically yelled, almost snapping his sword's hilt into pieces, "at least let me have some Arceus-damned coffee before trashing my house!"

Naturally, yelling at the top of his lungs managed to grab some attention. Unfortunately for Grovyle, it wasn't from a very friendly source.

"You're makin' quite the ruckus there, groundskeep," Celebi mused as he floated down the corridoor from where ever he'd taken to sleeping. The fairy had been avoiding bedrooms ever since Mew and Anti had decided to fill his room with fertilizer in what they called an attempt to get him to grow an afro. And if that hadn't been bad enough, Grovyle had disallowed Celebi from giving a suitable reply. Apparently the raptor believed that vaporising people with beams of focused solar energy was not a valid responce to pranks. And had proceeded to back up his position with that sword of his. Just because Celebi could survive being impaled to the wall through his torso, doesn't mean that he was particually fond of the experience.

In fact, as direct violence wasn't subtle enough for the fairy's tastes, Celebi had instead decided to enact revenge by simply being as annoying and smug as physically possible. At least until he found a point in the timeline where he could go back to erase Grovyle from history without causing too much damage to casualty; as causing a paradox that could destroy the multiverse for petty reasons was just bad taste. And unlike Mew, Celebi was nothing but tasteful. He was, however, well aquainted with bad taste; as he found a slice of burnt toast fired directly into his jaw the moment he leaned around Grovyle to see what the fuss was all about.

"Whaddya know, that thing isn't so bad after all." Sofia giggled as the fairy was blasted back, cracking plaster as he hit the wall, prevented from falling to the floor or being able to react by the never ending volley of breakfast being launched at him at terminal velocity.

Celebi, willing to let good taste slide in this one instance as he replied with a venomous, "_sod off._"

And then he got hit with what could only be called a rocket-propelled muffin, which packed enough force to blast him through the wall and into the dining hall on the other side. "_ow..._"

"I guess Arceus doesn't hate me after all." Grovyle chuckled, before what happened sunk in properly and he let out a cry of anquish, "my wall!"

"_I'm fine, thanks for caring! Just a couple broken ribs. And my spine's bent in an s-shape._" Somehow, even the telepathy sounded dazed, "_am I missing an antenna?_"

"No idea, you'd have to pop your head up to the hole for us to see," Sofia called through, bursting out laughing when the psychic actually did it and was promptly shot in the face, catapulted backwards and back out of sight, "Haha, they're still there Cel."

"_Good to know..._" Celebi sounded almost pleased.

"...And I thought Scarlet was evil." Grovyle rolled his eyes, "nice to know that all this property damage is amusing someone."

"Hey, I tricked him into doing that for science. There was a lot dust after he got knocked through the wall, it would have hid him from the motion sensor. It still saw him so-"

"It's using heat!" Grovyle grinned, remembering the Cubone's earlier words as he turned away and ran down the hallway, "I'll go crank up the temperature. You make sure fairy-boy doesn't do anything stupid."

"I'll try but the toaster seems to have that covered!" She winced as there was a vicious crunching noise, "that sounded painful."

"_I meant to do that._"

---

"Anti, I'm going to kill you for this!" Flame growled as he dived away from another lump of _something_ that came shooting through the floor of the attic from the kitchen below.

"Look, it ain't my fault, the beta program was uploaded instead of the fixed one so it's a little out of control."

"How is it not your fault?!" The Charmander spat a fireball at the phantom, growling as a translucent tail effortlessly swatted the fire aside.

"The computer in the lab loaded the wrong file, I had nothing to do with that stage of the proce-" Anti's explaination was cut short by the sound of splintering wood coming from the other side of the doorway to Mewtwo's room.

"_Mew!_" Eve cried out as she darted for the door, ignoring the sounds of the floor around her being turned into splinters by toast, she could actually pick up the sound of panicked banging coming from behind the door before it fell silent as yet more of the floorboards were blasted apart. Suddenly, for some unknown reason, the doorhandle seemed to refuse to co-operate, Eve struggling with it for several moments.

It was odd, before the attack had only been mildly worrying, more an annoyance than anything else; but now she actually felt afraid. Under normal circumstances, Mew and Mewtwo would be able to look after themselves, this was nothing to them. But they were powerless and unable to defend themselves in their current forms, they needed someone to keep them safe and that someone was her and she was trapped outside because of a stupid door! Fine, as the handle refused to unjam itself, she decided to follow her brethren's way of thinking and prepared to blast it off of its hinges. As she gathered the psychic power needed, she suddenly became aware of a shot firing through the floorboards right behind her. There was no time to try a barrier, and she doubted one would hold up even if she could.

Eve heard the crack, the horrible crunch, right at her back. She felt something slam into her, knocking her almost to the ground, yet it only stung. It didn't hurt enough and was certainly much too large to have come from the toaster. Eve blinked in confusion, looking over her shoulder.

"_Scyther?!_" She gasped, spotting the bug pulling himself back up from where he'd been knocked into her, "_you got hit!_"

"Scyther noticed," he groaned, actually sounding winded. Eve couldn't see his front, but she spotted a small piece of green armour fall away as he moved, "Scyther will protect Miss Eve while-" a blade came up just in time to prevent a second shot hitting him, this one aiming for his head, "Miss Eve has to protect Mew and Mewtwo."

"_How what now?_"

Eve winced, tail flicking in her embarrassment, why did she always say that? Of all the things she could have said, she had to come out with that. Still, there was no time to try and come up with something smarter sounding, it was only a matter of time before someone else got hurt so she unleashed her shockwave, managing to control it enough so it didn't blast the bug standing right behind her. There was a loud bang as the psychic pulse hit the door, but it didn't open or fall down. Eve said something that wouldn't have sounded out of place in one of Flame and Scarlet's more heated discussions as she punched the door in frustration.

"_Open damnit!_"

It turns out that those were the magic words, as the hinges snapped apart and the barrier fell into the room. The psychic darted inside, looking around for her brothers. The room was, somehow, an even bigger mess than it had been before. What few spots in the ground weren't buried under a book of some sort were instead gaping holes in the ground. The walls were likewise damaged, one shot had even hit the lightbulb and showered the desk with broken glass. Luckily Mewtwo hadn't taken refuge there, the indignant temporary-Rattata was instead on the windowsill, backed up as far as he could against the window with his teeth bared and his fur puffed up as far as it could go. But he was still shaking, his unfamilar form forcing him to feel pure terror as books were send flying as deadly shrapnel by what was shooting through the floor.

Mew, however, didn't even have the pretence of bravery going on. The 'young Mewtwo' was curled into a ball on the bed in the corner of the room, Eve's quilt slung over his head as he whimpered and cried. The sight actually proved more worrying than what was still firing at them, Eve ran across the room, eyes flashing purple as she telekinetically swatted books out of the way as they were flung into the air. She almost vaulted onto the bed, tugging at the quilt in an attempt to reach the feline underneath.

"_Mew, it's me, let go!_" She almost growled, nearly tumbling backwards as Mew did as he was told, more out of shock than him actually listening to her. The sight of what was essentially Mewtwo's face with tears running down its cheeks nearly caused Eve's brain to shut down, it was only when another blast sent various tomes flying through the air that she was able to recover her wits, grabbing the panicked Mew by the hand; snatching Mewtwo with the other.

"_Come on, it's not safe here,_" she tried to reassure Mew as he tried to retreat back into the corner and hide again, "_I'll protect you, so let's go._"

"_I... but..._" Indecision, mixed with a healthy dose of fear, shone across his face, which winced as another blast hit the floors, each getting closer and closer. Before he reached up with his free arm, wiped his eyes and managed a tiny smile, "_okay... big sister!_"

There was really only one thing left to do. "_Never call me that again._" And with that stern comment made, they ran for the doors.

---

Back in the main part of the attic, however, things weren't going so well. It was becoming harder and harder for Flame to avoid being hit, mainly because he was slowly running out of floor that hadn't been turned into splinters by some sort of unholy toast-based artillery. But that was reletively easy to handle, nothing new. The real problem was that, as the holes in the floor got bigger, he was forced further and further away from Kit. The tiny Charmander was practically coated in dust by this point, having taken shelter by a pile of boxes that towered over her. A stack that was looking more and more unstable by the second. And Flame knew for a fact that, whatever was in those boxes, it was going to be fairly heavy, much more than a newborn kit could deal with.

"Kit-" He yelled, being cut off as the ground right in front of him exploded in a shower of splinters, forcing him to recoil and shield his eyes. But he recovered fast enough to notice that one of the larger chunks of wood had hit the stack of boxes, causing them to sway and start to collapse.

Flame had no idea how he managed it but somehow he vaulted several holes, a few wider than he was tall, landing on footholds that were within seconds of giving way; a couple so small they were actually smaller than his feet. He even managed to bat a shot from the deadly kitchen applience out of the air as he darted under the collapsing heap, picked up his daughter as gently as he could as she ran towards him, before flinging himself backwards out of danger with mere millimeters to spare as the stack of boxes, filled with various tools, crockery and decorations fell with an enormous crash.

His spine ached, he'd hit his head on the floor, he'd landed with his full weight on his tail. But none of that mattered. At that moment, all he cared about was the owner of the tiny blue eyes staring up at him. Eyes that had, mere moments before, been filled with tears of sheer terror, now almost completely calm as she was safe in her father's arms.

"Looks like you take after me," Flame groaned as he got to his feet, "don't tell your mother how close that was, okay?" He would like to survive to see another day. But before he could even think about how Scarlet was going to react, he had more pressing issues on his mind. Taking off at full sprint, he darted around the edge of the damaged floor, keeping his back to the holes just incase a shot got lucky, the hell he was letting Kit get hurt. Something whizzed by his shoulder, he didn't react, didn't slow down, focused slowly on the attic stairs; safety. Eve and Scyther were somewhere behind him, aiming for the same place.

The Charmander leapt down the first few wooden steps which, having been designed for humans, put him below the attics floor and well out of sight of the killer toaster. He set Kit down, looking into her puzzled gaze as he knelt beside her, before he smiled. A toothy smile.

"Stay here," he spoke, softly, as he got up, cracking his tail back into place, "I'm going to go make sure this toaster dies." He gave her a reassuring pat on the head, watching the tiny lizard smile back at him, before he vaulted back up the stairs. Passing Eve, Scyther and their various charges, he aimed straight for the biggest hole in the ground. One straight over the kitchen.

He didn't stop to look down, he didn't need to, he'd caught glances of the damned device during the last five minutes. So it had no warning as he jumped straight down the hole. For half a second, he could see it clearly. A metal box mounted on a tripod, a small red diode flashing as the toaster prepared to shoot him in midair. A blast of black fire incinerated its first volley. And it didn't have time for a second as Flame landed on it with a roar, tripod snapping as the Charmander pulled back a fist, metalic claws tearing into the casing and ripping it apart. Before it even hit the floor, a stream of fire ingulfed its inner workings, melting the demonic device from the inside out before Flame was thrown off by the landing.

The only sound was the hissing and crackling of destroyed electronics as Sofia peered around the kitchen door, even Celebi looking shocked as the Charmander picked himself up from the floor. No one said a thing, just watched as Flame dusted himself off before limping over to the half-melted toaster and kicked it for good measure.

"I turned up the heating!" Grovyle called as he ran back down the hallway, "that thing should be nice and blind about-" he skidded to a halt as he reached the door, momenterially lost for words as he stared at the scene. Until, eventually, some degree of sense returned to him. "My ceiling!"


	15. Delicious Vengeance

Yeah, I was gonna work on ToF 329. Then bad stuff happened in RL that I won't go into as it was depressing and NQDS isn't the place for depressing. So, to counter said depressing stuff, we have this. Yay update. And more weird shit.

Also, for some bizarre reason/because-I-could, I decided during the writing of this to go check the wikipedia article on toasters. Because I'm productive like that. Anyway, it included the phrase; "they can also be used to heat up cookies, to make them more delicious," which I found completely hilarious considering wikipedia has no sense of humour. None of this notability bullshit you usually get, toasters can heat cookies to make them more delicious. How delicious you ask? _More._ That is, to say, a greater level of delicious. And considering the standard cookie's level, more equals a lot of delicious. We're talking at least a seven here. Which is certainly a very high standard of delicious. (Edit: I've since gone back and, naturally, said oddly amusing part of it has vanished. I take it back Wikipedia, you are a souless, humourless blight upon the internet who should be clensed from this earth with excessive application of fire. Because I don't believe in overkill, or overreacting.)

And now I have to try this to see if it actually works or if I'll blow up yet another toaster. I also have to try to slip the word delicious into normal (or what, for me, counts as normal) conversation as many times as possible. Preferably in relation to cookies and the moreness thereof.

I'm hungry now. Oh, and speaking of food, I haven't actually tried any of the attempted combinations below (you'll know what I mean when you get there) so if anyone is feeling brave or really hates their stomach, feel free to give 'em a shot and report back! Just no lawsuit if you die.

**Not-Quite-Drunken-Silly: Part Fifteen - Delicious Vengeance**

Flame limped out of the kitchen, his legs sore after withstanding the leap from the attack onto a homicidal toaster. He ignored Sophia, and the Grovyle who looked about ready to start crying at the damage done to his house. The fire type stomped past Celebi as the fairy managed to dazedly clamber back through the hole in the wall, only for Flame to wordlessly punch him right back through it.

"_Sonuva!_" Celebi swore, which was becoming an increasingly common habit for the higher power, "what was that for?"

"A toaster just tried to kill me," Flame shrugged as he carried on his way, not looking back at the fairy staring daggers at the back of his head, "you're always involved when something tries to kill me."

"I have nothing to do with your blasted toaster!" Celebi protested, trying very hard to resist the urge to start throwing bits of debris at the infuriatingly stubborn lizard. Even if only for the fact that Flame could throw them back just as hard, only he'd light them on fire first. And that was never pleasant.

"So you claim."

"It shot a muffin at me! Really hard!"

"Wouldn't be the first time you let yourself get hurt to make us drop our guard." Flame looked over his shoulder briefly, narrowing his eyes and giving Celebi a certain paw guesture that many people would consider rude. Celebi was one of these people. He was seriously considering just blasting the lizard, the hell with their status as non-enemies. The only thing that made him hesitate was the fact Grovyle had pulled out his sword again, having flipped from grief to anger at having his house wrecked, and Celebi didn't feel quite like giving the grass type a reason to unleash holy hell. So instead the forest sprite took his leave, floating out of the window and away from Saffron to nurse his bruises. And to see if he could track down the real culprit behind the muffin-launching toaster; vowing that Anti was going to suffer for that dearly.

But before that, breakfast. Preferably of the kind that won't blast him through walls. Unfortunately, outside of the mansion, there were few places were a legendary being could go to acquire food without causing an uproar that usually resulted in at least one of the criminal Teams showing up and hilarity inevitably ensured. Last time Celebi had tried to get pasta, it'd resulted in a three hour chase across two cities that wouldn't have looked out of place on Scooby Doo. Naturally, Mew had had a field day with that little escapade. But what had been surprising was when Jirachi had joined in, repeatedly offering dog biscuits whenever asking him to do something. And when Jirachi is mocking you, you've hit a brand new level of low that has laid undiscovered for millennia. Mew then started mocking the fact that Jirachi was mocking him, which Jirachi found highly amusing and resulted in some sort of twisted feedback loop of sadism and torment.

To say that Celebi was glad when Jirachi had decided to go on vacation for a couple of weeks was a vast understatement. And, as luck would have it, Mew had succumbed to the one illness on the planet that could slip past his immune system that had also left him stuck in the form of a young Mewtwo; rendering him in Eve's care and unable to be anywhere near as smug and annoying as usual. Naturally, the fact that the timing of both of these things coincided was just that; a coincidence. Because to claim otherwise would imply that someone had managed to gain a sample of Mew's illness when it had last struck several hundred years ago and found a way to preserve it until the time came to use it in the present. And that would just be crazy, and possibly a little childish.

"Let's see," Celebi mused to himself, glad that he was most certainly neither crazy or childish, "today's Tuesday so Sabrina's probably making waffles about now. I'm sure I can convince her to spare one or two." He changed flight path, the fairy soaring over the busy morning traffic as he homed in on the gym leader's house; his toaster-related injuries forgotten under the happiness of a bright new day and the thought of delicious waffles. And speaking of thoughts, "_maybe I should see if I can grab some syrup from somewhere, it'd be polite to help out a little if I'm going to show up to eat her food. No, wait, hang on; that's for pancakes... what do you put on waffles again?_" He couldn't remember, did anything go on waffles? "_Jam? No, that can't be right. Jam and waffles, ugh, that sounds weird._" And oddly tempting. "_Well, not like I have to worry about food poisoning, might as well try it. I'll try one with syrup as well actually... never know, could be as surprisingly tasty as fish fingers and custard._" Or it could cause his stomach to implode; again. But nothing he couldn't regenerate from, right, and no one lives as long as Celebi without taking a few odd risks here and there.

They were hiding. Somewhere. Those damn Treecko that had caused this blasted headache had fled into hiding. Not entirely unexpected, Kirlia mused; considering they appeared to have also attracted the ire of the female fire lizard somehow. Not that it made him any less annoyed, having woken up barely able to blink without his head violently protesting when Jack had poked his head round the bedroom door and give an uncharacteristically bright and cheerfull, "good morning, sleeping beauty!" and while that had been more than enough for the already grumpy psychic to wish horrible things on the grass type and his parentage, the idiot had than gone and followed up with an even cockier, "oh, sorry, Girlia, seems like I got the wrong room. You look like crap, as usual. Glad I don't have to worry about bedhair like yours."

Somehow it turned out that pure rage was enough to cure a hangover and leant Kirlia more than enough strength to launch after the fleeing Treecko hurling abuse and threats that would have made a sailor blush. But, naturally, mere shouting hadn't actually hurt the Treecko, who had managed to link up with his just-as-annoying cousin Fervo; the two managing to get away from both him and an equally angry Scarlet in the form of a laser-propelled washing trolley. A trolley that Kirlia had found upturned at the end of the south wing corridoor, with no sign of battered and injured Treecko's or their corpses anywhere to be found; leaving the impression that they'd somehow escaped unharmed. This annoyed him even more. But he decided to focus on the bright side, as the last dregs of his hangover faded away, his psychic powers were coming back; soon the two insufferable reptiles would have nowhere they could hide. And he wouldn't let them run away a second time.

Kirlia fought back the urge to laugh, he'd sensed something that certainly felt like a grass type in this corridoor, and he didn't want to give his position away with a sinister chuckle. Oh no, he'd wait until he was right up close, then he'd let them know just how screwed they were. Teach them to mess with _him!_ Just because there were several psychics in the building, not to mention those living elsewhere in the city, that were more powerful than he was did not mean that he was someone to be underestimated and made a fool out of by two eternally irritating Treecko. This time, he vowed to himself and any deity that happened to be listening, they would finally suffer the punishment they so rightly deserved.

He paused as he heard movement coming from the room he'd sensed the Treecko hiding in, before the door swung open and the foolish grass type in question came out into the hallway, pushing a small trolley of cleaning equipment. For a second, Kirlia paused as he stared at the grass type, looking the familiar uniform up and down. But then he remembered who he was chasing and while Jack wasn't one for disguises; Fervo certainly would sink so low as to put on a maids skirt to try and hide from his punishment. Somehow in the few minutes of time he'd had, the Treecko had obviously managed to obtain and put on the entire ensemble, including the headdress that all Pokemon without hair or visible ears would attach their ribbon too. With the cleaning equipment too, it was a disguise that certainly would have tricked a fool like Scarlet or the Pikachu he usually had to deal with. But Kirlia was not so simpleminded or blind to details, the 'maid' seemed nervous and actually eeped when 'she' saw him glaring at 'her'.

"G-good morning?" And even a small curtsie for effect, the movement looking fluent. Fervo obviously put a lot of work into preparing this disguise, probably for some elaborate scheme he had devised to cause someone torment and major headaches for a lark.

"Hi." Kirlia had to give Fervo credit, not many people could pull off a convincing female voice, and even fewer could make it sound like they were shy, nervous and innocent. Well, fine, he could play along, for now. "Don't think I've seen you before."

"I only started a few weeks ago, Groundskeeper Grovyle's assigned me work that keeps me out of the way until I've got more experience..." A story that anyone who didn't know better would believe. After all, with the personalities living in the building, it would be unfair to make a newbie deal with them until they were a little more settled in and aware of what to expect, and who to shoot on sight. "I-I'm afraid my partner I'm supposed to work with isn't around at the moment and I'm still not very good at things so if you would like something then someone else would be so much better to ask," 'she' threw in a cheerful curtsie for good measure, the earlier nervousness seemingly forgotten, "But I'll do my best to help in whatever way I can!"

How on earth did Fervo expect that to actually work on anyone? The thought baffled Kirlia, surely even Pika couldn't be stupid enough not to see through this kind of charade. And the psychic had possessed such a high opinion of her too, being one of the few people who could keep the lizards in line. Looks like that opinion needed revising, if she could be taken in by something so absurd as this. Still, Kirlia sighed mentally, maybe there was some merit in seeing how far Fervo was willing to go with this. After all, if the Treecko thought he was managing to fool the psychic, then the look of surprise and fear would be all the sweeter when the time came to crush the stupid disguise; along with the pathetic lizard's head. And then he could hunt down Jack and the _real fun_ could begin!

"Um, sir? Pardon my asking, but are you okay? You're kinda spacing out."

"Sorry," Kirlia smiled, "just thinking to myself about something I have to do later." Rumour had it that there was a chainsaw locked up in one of the sheds, that'd teach 'em to mess with him, but first, "I don't think I caught your name?"

"Oh, right, eheh," the Treecko idly brushed down the skirt before curtseying again, "I'm Feena, sir, pleasure to meet you!"

"Feena." Really? _Really?_ Talk about unimaginative; indentical number of syllables, not to mention that the first two letters hadn't even been changed. Any idiot could have thought of that in ten seconds! What else had he come up with, Ferva? No, obviously the Treecko was thick enough that he'd have thought that was too damn subtle!

"Yep!"

"Okay then." Kirlia could feel his headache returning under the sheer audacity, which convinced him it was time to stop this inane charade and make with the _hurting._ "Cut the crap."

"Eh?" Feena muttered, confused, before her eyes widened as Kirlia suddenly materialised right in front of her, towering over the grass type with eyes glowing vivid red and the air around him seeming to bend and warp. "S-sir?"

"Did you really think I was that stupid? That putting on a skirt and playing innocent would actually make me believe you were?" The psychic's voice resonated much deeper than it had before, "you seem to believe that you can mock me."

"I d-don't know what yo-" she started to stammer, trying to back away only to find her legs held in place by an invisble force.

"_Shut up!_" Kirlia snarled, clenching and unclenching his fists as he leaned even closer to the trapped Treecko. "I have had it with your stupid schemes, your little pranks, your pain-in-the-ass attitude and your whole damn existance! And don't get me started on your stupid cousin!"

"I don't have a cousin!" Was the terrified reply, the grass type almost in tears as Kirlia's eyes seemed to bore into her.

"You'd lie to a psychic?" He grinned, "where is he hiding? Where would he go to escape from me?"

"I-I don-"

"_Answer me!_" The voice was almost demonic in nature now, even as his psychic grip on her limbs tightened even more; starting to leave red welts on her arms and ankles.

"I don't have any family! Just let me go, please..."

"When you stop hiding where Jack is." Kirlia dropped his voice back to almost-casual disdain as he looked down at the sobbing Treecko with something close to pity. So undignified, so stupid; only Fervo would lie until the end.

"I don't know anyone called Jack!"

"We'll see about that," the psychic sneered as he slowly raised a hand, chuckling at the grass type's flinching when he placed it upon the lizard's forehead, "let's see if there's anything hidden in that head of yours worth smashing."

As it turned out; a Treecko that practically petrified in sheer terror has almost no mental defenses against a psychic, so Kirlia didn't have to waste any power at all to connect with the reptile's mind. Which was fortunate for said reptile too, as that meant he didn't have to brute force his way in, which would have been distasteful and repulsive for all involved. That sudden flash of insight stopped Kirlia cold, as he realised just how far he was going with this, it was also around this point when he realised that the Treecko really didn't know who Jack was. No Fervo. In fact, all her memories seemed to confirm her story. Kirlia suddenly felt physically ill, he'd just severely intimidated and assaulted the privicy of someone completely innocent... Someone completely innocent who seemed to be replacing her intense terror with a nugget of white hot rage that was growing stronger and more potent by the secon-

Kirlia's eyes snapped open just in time for all of his muscles to seize up as he felt all his strength being sapped away from him through the hand he'd placed on Feena's head. The Treecko's own eyes seemed to flash from the Giga Drain as suddenly it was the psychic rendered immobile, and as talking hadn't worked for her before then that left only one real option...

Kirlia staggered backwards, attempting to stammer an apolagy around a bloodied jaw; Feena in no mood to hear it as she darted forwards and threw her left paw straight at his chest with a speed and ferocity no one would ever have associated with the girl of only minutes ago. He threw up a barrier with what little time he had, but it turned out that an angry female trumped his psychic powers as her very-sharp climbing claws pierced through the glowing green shield like it wasn't even there. Kirlia tried to crawl backwards as the maid clenched her paw and simply crushed his barrier like it was mere paper. And with her free paw she'd reached across and unhooked a metal bucket, half-full with soapy water, from her trolley. As his back met the wall, she stepped forward once more and swung the hefty object right at his head.

To say it made his hangover look like childsplay was a vast understatement, he decided as he dazedly tried to push himself up from the floor, somehow amazed that his skull hadn't shattered under the blow that left quite the dent in the bucket. It took a few seconds for the dizzy psychic to get his bearings and get back to his feet, just in time for the very very cold water in the bucket dumped over him. The sudden chill managed to draw a incredibly unmasculine squeak from the Kirlia as he spun around, coming face to face with a scowling maid.

"You attacked me." She accused, her voice going from her earlier sunny tones to something closer to a frigid blizzard.

"I'm s-sorry!" Kirlia stammered, suddenly aware that now it was his legs that were refusing to move, "I thought you were someone els-"

"Shut it!" Feena raised the bucket again, watching the psychic flinch away, "Grovyle warned me that there were some problem psychics. A couple of felines and a fairy living in the attic that might cause trouble. And now I get the feeling he should have added you to that list! I was doing my job, trying to help out as much as I can and then you just snap and sprout off a load of nonsense, paralyse me and _root around in my head_! Because you thought I was someone else? You honestly think that's a good excuse for that kinda stunt!"

"I'm sorry!"

"You better be." Now it was she who towered over him, able to hand out her vengeance at whim, "people like you sicken me; so I suggest you have a long, hard think about what you did and why it was wrong. And I _will_ be speaking to Grovyle about this, do you understand?"

"Yes." There was no other answer. To say anything else was simply unthinkable.

"Then get out of my sight. _Now._" One paw raised the bucket, the other brandishing her barrier-crushing claws, told him exactly what would happen if he didn't do as he was told.

Feena kept up the death glare as the psychic turned and ran, not even blinking as he kept apolagising even as he retreated around a corner. For ten seconds she stared at the space his head had occupied as though willing it to explode, until she finally sighed and relaxed slightly. Resheathing her claws, she stepped back over to her trolley and hooked the battered and empty bucked back into its place. Again she paused, looking up the corridoor once more, before she reached down and flicked the lock on the compartment inside the metal trolley. With a slight smirk, the maid stepped back as the compartment door swung open and revealed a very, very cramped looking Jack.

"Comfy?" She enquired with a giggle.

"You try squeezing in here, see how you manage," Jack grumbled, struggling to pull himself out of the compartment that wasn't designed to hold a Treecko-plus-tail, in a manner that most certainly couldn't be considered dignified.

"Think I'll pass," Feena remarked, offering her paw and helping to haul him free, "wouldn't want to crease my uniform, even if I can make it as good as new with the touch of a button."

"Yeah, yeah, no need to be smug," the male lizard muttered as he finally stood, stretching to alleviate some of the aches and cramps, "I get how Girlia couldn't sense me through the trolley, metal screwing up his powers and all, but how'd you fool his mind reading."

"That's an easy one really," Feena shrugged, pulling up one of her sleeves to reveal a small silver bracelet on her arm. It looked like a plain band, apart from the three small gemstones adorning it, one blue, one red, one green. The Treecko prodded the green gem and her clothes seemed to dissolve as the very air around her started to warp and ripple, giving off strange colours that forced Jack to avert his eyes for a few seconds. When he looked back, the transformation had finished and revealed the unclothed and very-much-male-again Fervo where the maid had once stood. He stood a little shorter than Feena had, an odd detail Kirlia had missed but Jack seemed to accept without question as his cousin continued explaining, "when Anti made this for me, he thoughtfully included a sort of mental camouflage, fake memories that would fool pretty much every non-Legendary psychic on the planet, including Sabrina's lot. So, as far as numbskull could tell, Feena really was a maid."

"Awesome. So this fake memory crap means he couldn't find out anything about me, or my hiding spot."

"Not exactly. Remember how I'd changed while you were trying to get in that trolley?" Trying having been a key word there, "well, that means Feena technically did know you and where you were."

"...So he could have found me."

"If he hadn't been looking for Jack, your nickname, instead of your Birth Name." Fervo grinned, "he was essentially looking for the wrong guy the entire time."

There was a moment of silence as Jack let that sink in, his cousin beating a psychic in a mental showdown just by deliberately confusing two names. Then the usually deadpan lizard cracked a genuine smile and the cousins burst into cheerful laughter.

"You should have seen the look on his face when he realised he'd attacked an innocent!" Fervo gasped inbetween guffaws.

"He won't be blasting things at random for a while," Jack grinned, "how was it being on the giving end of a homicidal female's temper?"

"Angry, mainly," Fervo seamlessly switching from laughter to normal speech, "downside of the false memories is that it can affect my emotions a little. 'Course, does mean my acting is a lot more realistic but, yeah; the unholy beatdown wasn't exactly my doing."

"Oh."

"I don't really remember what happened after the Giga Drain, next thing I know he's on the floor and I'm holding a bucket..." Fervo grinned again as he added, "but it felt good teaching that cranky, uppity bastard a lesson."

"Hah," Jack nodded agreement before guesturing to the bracelet on Fervo's arm, "got anymore fun toys hidden in that chest in your room?"

"A few. Anti's quite happy to make stuff for you if you agree to help him out now and then."

"With?"

"Well, he's building a space rocket under the swimming pool. He called it Zapdos Ein, or something like that."

"...He's building a space rocket under the swimming pool." That almost seemed weird. Almost. Then Jack remembered that Anti was a Mew, and an undead one at that. He imagined being dead probably made you a little crazy, what with not being able to sleep and all. He liked sleep, and would definitely go crazy without it himself.

"Well, built, all he's got left to do is finish the launch mechinism to move the pool out of the way and then we get to launch." Fervo was starting to sound a little too excited by this.

"...Oookay, I take it back, that sounds like way too much work," Jack turned away and started walking down the corridoor, "I'm gonna see if I can track down some brunch, you coming?"

"I'll pass, still gotta get Scarlet off my case before I end up charbroiled."

Fervo watched his cousin leave and waited another few seconds, taking glances up and down the hallway to make sure no one was watching as he reached into the trolley's compartment and pulled out a digital camera that had also been stashed in there, quickly double checking that the memory card was intact and the pictures on it were still present. Chances were Scarlet was camped out outside his bedroom, and if not then it was probably Pika instead, which would make going and getting the spare copy from his chest a little difficult. Luckily, it didn't appear to have been damaged, the Treecko grinning as he tapped the blue gem on his bracelet. In a few seconds a completely different lizard occupied the space, Roderick pocketing the camera and adjusting his cuffs to hide the bracelet.

"Now then, to find miss Scarlet and see if these pictures stop her in her tracks," he mused, heading on his way once more.

Houndour, being one of the less eccentric occupants of the mansion, and quite happy to spend his time out in the quieter parts of the garden where things weren't so prone to exploding. As the day was being unusually warm for the time of year, he'd decided to retreat towards the large tree near the garden's walls. It was one of his favorite spots to pass the time, under the shade and far enough away from the mayhem that it was almost impossible to even hear the devastation caused by a certain toaster, a fact which suited the rather timid dark type nicely. In fact, as he approached the old tree, he wasn't at all surprised to find another canine had had the same idea.

"Poochie, good morning." Houndour greeted the Poochyena he'd befriended as he sat down beside the smaller dark type, before frowning as he noticed the depressed look on his friend's face, "what's wrong?"

"Vulpix-chan," Poochie's ears drooped slightly, "I can't find her anywhere. She's just vanished."

"Don't worry," Houndour lightly tapped his friend on the back with his head, a Houndour's way of showing reassurance, "I'm sure she's just wandering around Saffron again, she'll show up soon."

"But I can't find her scent anywhere..." Poochie seemed to sink even further into depression, "it's like Vulpix-chan doesn't even exist anymore."

"Don't say that!" Houndour barked, forcing the black wolf to look up, "you can't think like that, you do and it might come true. And I won't let that happen!"

"Houndour-sama..."

"I'll help you look, we'll find where ever she is, I promise. And if she's in trouble, I'll help you save her!" He declared, showing an usual amount of bravado and self confidence for his friend's sake, "so cheer up, you need to be able to smile when you see her."

Poochie merely looked at the other dark type, stunned, before breaking out into a grin, tail wagging as he nodded, "yes, thank you!"

"I'll help!" Came a third voice suddenly, one that had the two dark types looking around for its owner, until they simultaneously heard a rustling in the branches right above the-

They looked up just in time for a black thing to drop from the trees right on top of them, knocking the wind out of them as they were pinned to the floor under the new arrival.

"Blacky!" Came the voice of his sister as she ran over from elsewhere in the garden, "what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Dog pile." Despite being sore and trying to catch his breath, even Houndour wanted to groan at that, the Umbreon had said it so proudly, as though it was the cleverest pun ever.

"Okay, not touching that one with a ten foot pole," Spiral having learnt to never deal with Blacky's attempts at jokes head on, "Why were you in a tree in the first place? You could have gotten hurt!"

"Lyra said it'd be fun," was the simple reply, as though it made perfect sense.

Spiral stared down at her little brother with a mixture of shock and disgruntled resignation. Of course it was Lyra, only Argil's Absol kit could have come up with the insane idea of a canine climbing a tree, and then jumping out of it for the sake of a horrible, horrible pun. And, now that she thought about it, where was Lyra anywa-

"Oh no," she sighed as a second dark type dropped from the treetops and promptly knocked the psychic to the ground.

"Hiya Sis!" Lyra grinned, muzzle inches away from Spiral's.

"I am not your sister. And even if I was, I'd disown you for pulling stupid stunts like that. Doesn't Sleet teach you how to think at all?"

"You're mean today. Why are you mean?" the white furred creature tilted her head, giving an puzzled look that was almost identical to Blacky's.

"Because some lump of an Absol is sitting on my ribcage."

"So if I get off, you'll be happy and play with us?"

"..." There was no way that anyone could just end up that dumb, Spiral decided, it had to be a deliberate attempt to annoy her; in which case it was working as Spiral could feel her brain cells protesting against the raw stupidity on offer, "get off and find out."

"Okay!"

Surprisingly enough, Spiral's mood didn't noticibly improve when Lyra got off and let her stand up again. In fact, after hauling Blacky off of the other canines, she had been about to launch into a tirade in a probably-futile attempt to lecture the two troublemakers when even paused at another new appearence. Tripping over a small stone, landing in the grass with a small squeak, a band-aid across her muzzle, Kit blinked at the group as Flame lifted her into his arms.

"Cute!" Lyra immediately exclaimed, tail going ninteen to the dozen.

"What." Spiral managed to reply eventually. "What is that?"

"Why does everyone react like that?" a rather battered looking Flame grumbled as Blacky trotted over and inquisitively sniffed at the tiny Charmander, who merely looked up at the Umbreon and slowly patted him on the snout with her tiny claws.

"Aww," Blacky smiled, tilting his head to give the lizard better access and smirking at the happy squeak he got in response, "Scarlet's small now!"

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," the phrase 'surrounded by idiots' was sounding more and more appropriate by the second. "That isn't Scarlet, nitwit, it's-"

"Kit," Flame added, allowing his daughter to clamber onto Blacky's back, the tiny lizard placing her paws on the dark type's head and looking out between his ears.

"That is adorable!" Lyra spoke up again, Spiral managing to catch herself before she agreed and frowning at Flame's knowing smirk.

"I hate all of you." The Espeon sighed eventually, only to nearly jump out of her skin when something started patting her on the head. She spun around to find Blacky had somehow materialised right beside her without anyone noticing and his passenger reaching up to inquisitively run her claws through Spiral's fur. It took a few seconds but eventually even Spiral had to crack a smile at that. "Okay, I don't hate you, little one. You haven't annoyed me yet."

Which was pretty much the highest compliment possible coming from her.


End file.
